


Hearthwing

by daisygal18



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls Online, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-24 14:01:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 44,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9748448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisygal18/pseuds/daisygal18
Summary: Bretta Hearthwing is an estranged noble Breton. She came to Skyrim with hopes of attending the College of Winterhold, death and fire greeted her. An impossible task is placed upon her shoulders and with that comes loss, and love. In a world gone mad, tomorrow is never promised.





	1. A Skyrim Welcome

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at Elder Scrolls FanFiction!
> 
> This story is very much centered on the thought that heros are made not born, it will take a while for Bretta to become the Dragonborn we all know. 
> 
> If you have read my other story you will have noticed that I favor the name Bretta, it is the name of a dear friend and she is always complaining that she can't find her name anywhere so this is a gift for her of sorts. 
> 
> Bretta Hearthwing is small framed like most Bretons. She is considered very beautiful. She is very pale with a nice complexion from her noble upbringing. Her eyes are a light blue and her hair is dark with hints of red in the sunlight. She has two parallel scars on her face, just under her left eye that she obtained from the battle of Helgen. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this story. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing, Bethesda does, I am only having a bit of fun.

There were people dying all around me. I tried to run but my steps were clumsy with my tied hands. My breathing was ragged, the great beast flew over my head, the wind from his wings causing me to stumble. A hand grabbed my arm and helped me to my feet roughly. 

“Still alive prisoner? Stick close to me if you want to stay that way.” His thick Nordic accent bled through his words and I followed him mutely, too gripped by fear to object. 

Fire flew all around us and the kind man looked at me, his war hardened face melting before my very eyes. 

\----

“Hadvar!” I screamed as I sat up in bed. I gasped for air and waved my hand to light the lantern on my bedside table. I sat up and pulled the covers around me tightly. 

It had only been a dream. The memories of fire haunted me still, even after all these months. Hadvar wasn't dead, he was camping somewhere in the Pale with the other soldiers. I had received a letter from him just yesterday. I was fine, nestled in my warm bed in the college. 

I had gotten used to this mantra the following months after Helgen. I had never seen such death in my short life, and while my brothers had taught me the art of daggers, I had never actually used one. My greeting to Skyrim had been unorthodox to say the least, the college drew me here with it's never ending sources of knowledge. If I had known the turmoil that awaited me, I would have stayed in my family estate back in High Rock, mother had begged me not to leave. There were moments when I thought maybe I should have listened to her. 

“Bretta?” A voice whispered. I looked up from my place in bed to see the friendly face of Onmund staring at me from my doorway with a worried expression on his handsome face. 

“I am sorry, Onmund, did I wake you again?” His candlelight followed him into my room and I moved myself over so he could sit beside me. 

He ignored my question and instead leaned close to me and smiled comfortingly. 

“Nightmares again?” He asked. 

I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder, “I can hear the sound of it's roars like it is in the room with me.” I confided, a shiver ran through me at the thought. 

“Perhaps you need to go to Whiterun like Hadvar suggests.” He said quietly. 

I moved so that I could look in his eyes. 

“No! I cannot! Hadvar asks too much of me, it is not my place to deal with the dragons. I am no one.” 

“You come from a noble lineage in High Rock, perhaps they could offer help to us?” 

I moved to get out of bed and looked at Onmund incredulously. “Onmund, I have told you that my family no longer wants anything to do with me. My father will not even allow mother to return my letters. If it weren't for my brothers I would think them all dead.” 

“He’s your father… surely he-”

“He what?” I interrupted, “Still loves me? Still thinks of me as his little baby?” I scoffed. 

“You might be allowed fanciful thoughts like that with your upbringing but my childhood wasn't so lovely. I am the only daughter of a noble in Daggerfall. I am nothing but a pawn, a very powerful one albeit with my magical talents, but still a pawn for my father to get ahead in all the posh intrigue that comes with High Rock society. The day I stood up for myself, refused to marry someone just because he demanded it, I was cast out. Mother still supported me, but there is only so much a woman can do to go against her husband. So I fled here, where I could further my education in solidarity. I didn't come here to be some hero who slays dragons.” My chest heaved at the end of my speech and Onmund stared at me in surprise. 

“You never told me all of that Bretta…” he said, his voice full of remorse. 

“It's not something I like to offer up in everyday conversation.” 

“I am your friend, you can always confide in me, it is hard to carry such burdens alone.” He offered and my anger slipped slightly. Onmund had been the most welcoming to me when I arrived at the college, in the last three months he had become a dear friend. 

My face softened and I sat beside him again, “I am sorry for being cross with you.” I offered as I laid my head upon his shoulder again. 

He chuckled, “Please, don't apologize, it was a lovely sight to behold.” I pinched his side in response and he chuckled as he darkened the lights. 

“I'll stay with you until you fall asleep.” He said softly into my hair. 

“Thank you my friend.” I whispered, my eyes already drifting close. 

\----

“Good apprentices. Now… I am sure you are all prepared for our trip to Saarthal next week but I must stress again how important it is to listen to me and the other scholars. You may think your magic is ready for the task, but we are dealing with very old burial grounds that are likely dangerous. I implore you to think rationally and not try anything.” Tolfdir stressed again as we finished our lessons for the day. Onmund rolled his eyes at the older man as we walked away. He was unhappy with the college’s decision to explore the ruins of Saarthal. He thought it was disrespectful to his Nordic ancestors and I didn't entirely disagree with him. 

“I love magic, but I feel as if sometimes the instructors have lost their compassion in their ever present search for knowledge.” He grumbled as we walked down the stairs to the dining hall. 

I patted his shoulder, “I am sorry it distresses you, Onmund, but try to think of it as a way to honor your people, in learning more about the ancients.” I offered. 

He sighed and shrugged a shoulder, Onmund was different amongst his people. Nords were generally scared of magic, or anything that wasn't Nordic for that matter. It was an oddity for him to be here, but he was still a Nord, and with that meant he still firmly believed in traditions. 

He was quiet the rest of the way to the dining hall and I left him to his thoughts as I grabbed a bowl of stew and some bread from the kitchen. I offered him a piece of bread and he took it but didn't eat it, just sat beside me at the long wooden table and began tearing it apart. I ate my stew and thought about the coming tasks myself. I would never tell Onmund, but I was rather excited for the exhibition. Tolfdir had taken me under his wing since I had arrived. He treated me more like a daughter than my own father ever had. He said I had great potential as a mage, the other apprentices had snubbed me because of his favoritism; all but Onmund that is. I was hoping to prove myself st Saarthal, to show them that I was worthy of Tolfdir’s favor, and to show Tolfdir he hadn't made a mistake in taking me under his wing. 

I was drawn from my thoughts when Onmund elbowed me. “Bretta… there's a courier summoning you.” I looked up and saw a man dressed in the tell-tale courier blue. He said my name over and over in the dining hall. 

“Bretta Hearthwing!” He said loudly. I blushed and stood from my seat, raising my hand awkwardly. 

“Here I am!” I said to the man. He nodded at me and handed me a letter, then scurried off without another word. 

I opened it hastily and began to read. 

\----

Dear Bretta,

I am sorry to write you like this, love, but I require a great favor from you. I need someone I trust to go to Riften. There are whispers that the Jarl there supports Ulfric. We need viable proof of this in order to take the city, this would be a great victory for the Empire and would be another step closer to ending this wretched war. 

I know you are busy with your schooling but I beg of you to leave swiftly and do this for me. I have arranged for someone to receive you once you arrive. He is a fellow of questionable motives, but you can trust him. I cannot tell you his name, but he will know you. Go there, and hide yourself in the city, get as much information as you can. 

There is no one else I trust with this. 

Yours, 

Hadvar

Ps: Burn this letter after you read it

\----

“Who's it from, Bretta?” Onmund was standing over my shoulder. I held the letter to my chest tightly. 

“Hadvar.” I said quietly. “He needs me to go to Riften.” 

“Riften?” Onmund said incredulously, “But that city is full of thieves and liars!”

I swallowed, I had heard stories of Riften and the thugs that ran it. Why would Hadvar ask this of me? He knew I wasn't cut out for such a task. I looked to Onmund who was still waiting for a response, I couldn't tell him what Hadvar asked of me, Onmund’s family supported the rebellion. He would never forgive me. 

“I must go.” I said resolutely. 

“I'll go with you.” He said. 

“No! Hadvar requires me to go alone.” I said and looked away from his eyes. 

“I'll miss you if you go.” Onmund said quietly beside me and I looked into his eyes. I hugged him tightly. 

“You have been a dear friend Onmund. I will return after I do what Hadvar asks of me. I must speak to Tolfdir.” I said and rushed from the room. As I walked I brought flames to my hand, the letter disintegrated in my fingers. 

\----

“Riften?! Why in Talos name do you want to go there?” Tolfdir looked at me from his place at his desk. He was looking at prints of Saarthal, no doubt planning the safest route for us to take. 

“My dear friend Hadvar has written me, he requests my presence there. Hadvar saved my life at Helgen, I owe it to him to help.” I said evenly and Tolfdir sighed. 

“You will miss the excavation next week…” he said disappointedly. 

“I know, and I am sorry, but surely you understand Tolfdir. I owe the man a debt.”

“I know my child, and I will send you with supplies for your journey.” He shushed my worries and stood up from his chair stiffly to walk over to his bedside table. 

“Say, there is a temple of Mara in Riften… you aren't eloping without telling us are you?” Tolfdir raised an eyebrow at me as he dug through the drawer of the table and I blushed. 

“Tolfdir!” I reprimanded, “Hadvar is a dear friend, nothing more.” I knew I lied as I said the words. I loved Hadvar very deeply and there were times when I thought that maybe he loved me too; but Hadvar’s first love was the army, and his duty to the Emperor. 

Tolfdir chuckled at my flustered disposition. “That's just as well, it would break poor Onmund’s heart.” I blushed deeper still. 

“Tolfdir, can we please stop talking about this?”

He laughed heartily as he walked towards me. He took my hand and slapped a large coin purse into my open palm. 

“Tolfdir.” I breathed, “This is too much.” I tried to pushed the coin purse back into his hands but he held my wrist to stop me. 

“Nonsense, you will take it and I won't hear any arguments about it. You are a ward of the College, and we here in Winterhold take care of our own.” He winked at me and I smiled. I thought again how lucky I was to have the people I did at the College, they had become a family to me. 

“Thank you.” I said humbly. 

“You be safe out there, and remember your training.” I nodded and before I could think otherwise I hugged Tolfdir tightly. He stood awkwardly for a moment but then hugged me back just as tightly. 

“Dear girl, we will miss you so.” He said in a fatherly voice. 

I wiped my eyes as I pulled away and kissed his cheek before leaving to my quarters. 

\----

I woke up as the carriage was jostled. I was freezing, the Skyrim winters were so much harsher than High Rocks. I huddled tightly in the fur cloak that Onmund had sent with me. He said it was made from the pelt of a saber cat he and his brothers had killed. The fur was warm and it had been a great comfort in the last three days of my journey. I sat up and stretched my stiff arms as I yawned. The man driving the carriage rarely slept but we had stopped for a few hours last night, I must have slept through the restart of our drive. 

“Are we stopping soon?” I asked as I looked around. I had never been to the Rift before, it wasn't as cold as Winterhold, and the ground wasn't covered in a thick blanket of snow. It actually reminded me of Hearthfire in High Rock the way the leaves were different colors of orange and brown. I smiled as I looked around, and while I was terrified of the task Hadvar had given me, it was good to see a bit of home. 

“No ma’m, we will be coming up at the Riften gate in the next hour.” I nodded but grumbled to myself, I needed to relieve myself. He had been this way the whole journey ‘I pride myself on getting you to your destination as fast as possible, no more stops than necessary!’ He had declared when I begged for him to stop at a small inn we passed so I could sleep in a proper bed. 

I sighed and thought of Hadvar as I leant back into the carriage. I wondered why in the world he thought I would be capable of completing this task. I was no spy. I was a good sneak and quick on my feet, but then again when you grew up with an overbearing father you sort of had to learn to get around unseen, lest you be lectured for an hour on how to be a proper wife. 

I just hoped I wouldn't fail him. Hadvar was the one person I knew I couldn't bear disappointment from. He had been the first person to show me kindness in Skyrim, even if the empire had been about to lob my head off along with some Stormcloaks. 

While we traveled together after the destruction of Helgen he had told me all of his stories of the war, and I had confided in him about my upbringing and my ultimate estrangement from my family. It was freeing to be myself with someone, I didn't have to worry about looking pretty constantly or sitting upright. Hadvar accepted me, just as I was. He held me when the thoughts of fire and death clouded my dreams, and I felt safe with him. His family had sheltered me when I had nothing. Those first few weeks in Riverwood were happy ones before the dragons began to appear and Hadvar urged me to go to Whiterun to seek aide.

We had fought. He couldn't go because the army called him to Solitude, and I had delayed my trip to the College of Winterhold for too long. I was anxious to start my lessons, and terrified of what he was asking of me. He had called me a coward and a poor friend. So I left in the night without a word of goodbye, and I had sought the College on my own. 

The letters started to come a few weeks after my arrival at the College. He begged for my forgiveness, and admitted that his soldier way of thinking often took over the side of his mind that was still a man. He told me he missed the way my dark hair had tints of red in it, and I had relented. I finally wrote him back, and we had been in correspondence since. He had asked me a few times to change my mind about going to Whiterun, but would drop it when I refused. Now he asked this of me, and I knew I couldn't refuse him again. I owed him my life, and I had left a piece of my heart with him at that tiny house in Riverwood, even if he didn't know that. 

“Here ma’m! Riften!” The driver said gruffly and I was slung against the front of the carriage as we stopped. Righting myself I stood and looked at the great wooden wall that surrounded the city. It looked opposing in the overcast weather and I shrunk slightly. I thought of Hadvar and it gave me strength. I sighed and grabbed my small knapsack before paying the man and hopping off the carriage. 

I walked towards the gate where two guards stood. 

“Hold there, Breton, you must pay the toll before entering the city.” The man took off his helmet and leered at me like I was a piece of meat. 

Feeling uncomfortable by the man’s stare I shifted my weight from foot to foot. “What is the toll for exactly?”

“For the betterment of Riften and her people of course!” He trailed off, looking me up and down. “There are… other ways of paying the toll however. Pretty little thing like you could get whatever she wanted with the right attitude…” his voice leaked of suggestion and I gasped. I had never been spoken to so lewdly in my life. 

“Bugger off man, you're scaring the little lamb.” A man seemed to appear from nowhere. I looked to my right where he stood, a tall Nord with red hair and a devastatingly handsome face glared at the guards. 

The guards demeanor changed instantly. He held his hands up in surrender. 

“I'm sorry, Brynjolf, I don't want any trouble.” He said hastily. 

“Yeah yeah, let the lass pass, you couple of troll brains.” He said as he guided me through the gate, his hand at the small of my back. 

“Thank you, but I could have handled those two myself.” I said as we walked. I glanced over my shoulder at the men as the gate closed, the leer still on the ones face. I shivered slightly, beside me the man, Brynjolf, chuckled as we walked towards what I assumed was the center of the city. Merchants were sat up at stalls trying to sell their wares. Everyone there had a sort of gruff air about them, I felt very out of place. 

“I'm sure you could have handled yourself, little lamb, but can you blame a man for wanting to help a pretty lass?” He looked at me with dark green eyes and I cleared my throat nervously. 

I wondered then if this was the man that waited for me. The man Hadvar had spoken of, he looked nice enough, but still dangerous. I leaned closer to him and he smirked at me. 

“Are you the man that is supposed to receive me?”

“Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.” He said mischievously. 

“Hadvar said there would be a man waiting for my arrival, and here you are.” I said. He stared at me for a moment, staring at me intently. I felt like I was being sized up, but in a very different way than the guard had been. 

“Ah yes, now I see. Well, then Hadvar has been scarce with his correspondence, do you have further instructions?” He spoke confidently, he leaned against a stone pillar at the entrance to the center of town. 

“You are to help me blend in with the people here so no questions arise.” I spoke quietly, looking over my shoulder to be sure no one was listening. 

He nodded, and then clapped his hands together. “Aye, then we better get to it. I have a job for you, let's see how that goes.”

\----

He told me to steal the ring from the Argonian’s strongbox and then place it in the pocket of the only dark elf in the crowd. When I questioned him how this was supposed to keep attention away from me he had said that Riften was not a city for the soft of heart, and I needed to prove myself. I had tried to argue but he shoved me towards the Argonian’s stall and began to call everyone towards him with some sort of grand speech. 

My hands were shaky as I picked the lock, I thanked my oldest brother Igor in my mind, he had taught me the art of lockpicking when I was a young girl. Igor was a famous sneak amongst the other noble children. He always stole the adult novels from the locked cabinets in our parents libraries. After retrieving the ring I moved quietly and crouched low behind the dark elf. My hands were light as a feather as I snuck the ring into the pockets of his tunic. I stood just as quietly and made eye contact with Brynjolf, I gave him a quick nod to let him know the task was complete. 

His speech came too close and he came to walk over to me. We watched at the chaos ensued when the Argonian realized his ring was amiss. The guards were called and I felt a sense of guilt as they took the elf away. 

“Thatta girl lass! Well done!” Brynjolf pinched my chin and smiled at me. I sighed and looked in the direction they had taken the elven man. 

“Hey, don't fret, love. Brand-Shei is notorious for overcharging people that aren't elven, he had it coming.” He said as if he had read my thoughts. 

Trying to push the elf’s face from my mind I looked to Brynjolf. “Did I pass your test?”

“Aye, you did, now I have another. Meet me in the Ragged Flagon tonight. If you find me there, I'll know you're worth the trouble of helping.” Then he walked away from me and I was about to ask him what that meant but thought better of it. 

I looked around and wondered who I could ask about the Ragged Flagon, Hadvar hadn't mentioned there would be tests before I could even begin his quest. I sighed and headed towards the local inn, hoping I could find answers there.


	2. A Member of the Guild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!Note: This chapter contains content that may be sensitive for some readers. Trigger warnings for detailed acts of violence and attempted assault. !!!!!!!!
> 
> Read at your own choice. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

I stayed in the shadows as another part of the sewer opened up into a large cavern. I could hear voices and my heart rate picked up thinking it might be more of the low lifes I had encountered. I had gotten by most of them easily enough, and if they did hear me I was already cloaked with an invisibility spell before they could see me. Whoever this Brynjolf man was was an ass. He had given me no warning at all as to what awaited me on my trip to the Ragged Flagon. I thought to myself for the millionth time, what had Hadvar been thinking?

I crept forward silently and I recognized the red headed man’s voice as he spoke to several others that sat at tables and bar stools. 

“I'm telling you, this one is different.” He insisted and I took that moment to step into the light. 

“Well would you look at that.” An older man spoke in surprise. 

Brynjolf turned around and rewarded me with a handsome smile, I only glared at him, my temper flaring from the danger he had thrown me into without warning. 

“You! You are an insufferable ass!” I said and shoved him, it was laughable nearly because my small frame did not manage to move him an inch. He smirked at me and it only made me angrier. 

“Now, now little lamb, don't be put off by the Rataway, you'll get used to it.” His voice was like honey and I felt like I wanted to hit him. 

“Get used to it? I will never set foot there again! You just wait until I tell Hadvar what you have put me through!” I turned to leave the way I had come but Brynjolf grabbed my arm. 

“Easy there lass. I was only sizing you up to see if you could even make it here in Riften, it's a tough city and you look like a well cared for flower, I needed to know you'd make it down here.” He was still smirking at me, his hand on my arm, I jerked away from him with a hiss and crossed my arms over my chest. 

“And if I had been killed?” He leaned against the bar, the others were watching us with amused smirks. 

“You weren't killed though.” He said, taking a drink of mead. 

“No thanks to you!” I exclaimed. 

He chuckled and threw an arm over my shoulders and began walking us in the direction of a door. He opened it, and then pushed a shelf out of the way to reveal another door. I looked over my shoulder at the group of people, they had all went back to their own business, except for a pretty blonde Nord, she glared at me so intensely it made me shiver. 

“Here, little lamb.” I turned away from the blonde woman’s stare to see Brynjolf offering me a hand, I slapped it away and walked past him. 

“Stop calling me that, my name is Bretta.” I grumbled as I walked through the doorway and into yet another opening. 

The room had several walkways that led to the center of the room, an opening in the center cast sunlight down inside the cavern and I wondered where it came from. 

“Well, Bretta, I should formally tell you that you have been welcomed into the Thieves Guild.” He said. 

I stopped walking and stared at him, then laughed loudly. 

“Good one, Thieves Guild, what a funny man you are.” I rolled my eyes but noticed he wasn't laughing. 

“Wait, you're serious?” I said incredulously. 

“We've been needing new recruits, and you fit the bill, you're clever and you can move unseen. I had a good feeling about you, and I was right.” I stared at the man, dumbfounded. 

I rubbed my temple and took a deep breath. “Do you even know Hadvar?” I asked slowly. 

For the first time since our chance meeting, Brynjolf looked sheepish. He rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged a shoulder awkwardly. 

“Not exactly.”

“Not exactly?!” I exclaimed, my voice echoed off the rocks around us and a few people walking by us stared at me as they passed. 

“I may have stretched the truth a bit when first we met.” He admitted. 

“That much is obvious.” I deadpanned and he sighed. 

“I am a man of horrid intentions, lass. I overheard Sibbi Black-Briar telling his mother of your arrival, I only heard a bit of it but I figured it would be an easy way to pick up some coin. Then when I met you, I felt like maybe our luck had changed, and here you are. You are our first promising recruit in a long time.” He smiled at me and for a moment I was in awe of him. I shook my head as my anger returned. 

“I am not joining your guild, you are an ass of a man and after you escort me to this Sibbi Black-Briar I wish to have nothing else to do with you.” I said coldly. 

“Okay, I'll take you to Sibbi, follow me.” He said calmly and I watched him walk away for a moment, stunned that he wasn't arguing with me. 

“With a quickness, lass!” He scolded without stopping and I hurried to follow him. 

\----

“Well well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes? I always have time for lovely ladies.” The man sat on a lush bed in a cell in the local jail. 

“YOU are Sibbi Black-Briar?” I asked in an exasperated voice. 

He smiled what I assume was supposed to be an attractive smile. “I am, but I can be whoever you need me to be, beautiful.” 

I threw my hands up and made a noise of frustration. I looked to Brynjolf who was leaning against Sibbi’s cell door with a smug expression. I wanted to slap him. 

“What was Hadvar thinking?” I exclaimed to myself, pacing away from the cell and the two men. 

“Wait, did you say Hadvar? Are you Bretta Hearthwing?” I turned to see Sibbi standing now, his hands clasping the bars of his cell door as he stared at me. 

“Yes, I am, and you are the man that was supposed to help me.” My voice was defeated and I didn't know what to do. 

Sibbi gave out a low whistle as he looked me up and down, “Hadvar didn't mention what a beauty you were. If he had maybe I would have been a little more careful and not got myself locked up.”

“Why are you locked up?” I inquired. 

“Murder.” He said simply, and his tone told me not to ask more. 

“Well, lass, I've done what you asked. I suppose I'll be going now…” Brynjolf turned to leave. 

“Wait!” I called after him and he turned slowly to smirk at me. 

“Yes?” He replied. 

I took a deep breath and glared at him, “I need your help.” I said through gritted teeth. 

“I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, little lamb; you'll have to speak up.”

“I. Need. Your. Help.” I said again, wishing for all the world that I could light him up with my flames. 

He smiled at me, “Of course I'll help you, lass, but on one condition.” 

I didn't reply, I had a good idea about what he would say. When I gave no response, Brynjolf spoke again. 

“Join the guild.” 

\----

It had been a month since my first meeting with Brynjolf. In that time he had trained me to be a proper thief. My sneaking ability was better than ever, and he and Delvin had really helped me hone my skills with a dagger. Everyone had been very welcoming to me, I was slow to warm up; my fear and anger at my current situation making me put a wall up. They had been patient with me, they were all thieves, but they really were like a family. 

The only person who hadn't been kind to me was Vex, the resident infiltrator. I hadn't understood her ire until I saw her and Brynjolf talking closely in the Flagon one night. It had made sense then, she wanted to make sure I didn't over step boundaries. I wished she would let me tell her that she had nothing to worry about. 

Brynjolf and I had formed a strained friendship in my month of being here. He took me on small jobs with him, and his cocky attitude always made my temper flare. I had never argued with someone so much in my life. He knew just what to say to set my teeth on edge. When Brynjolf wasn't tormenting me, or wooing Vex, he was in close council with Mercer Frey. The leader of the guild hadn't spoken much to me in the month I had been there. He was always huddled over his work station, I overheard him and Brynjolf talking of the Guild's recent run of bad luck they seemed to think it was some sort of sabotage. 

I was sharpening my blades one evening when Brynjolf approached me. 

“Mercer Frey requests your presence at a meeting… now.” His voice didn't carry its usual lighthearted tone. He was very serious. 

“Have I done something wrong?” I asked as I stuck on dagger in my sheath and the other in my boot. 

“I don't think it's anything like that, lass. Come now.” He motioned for me to follow him and he led me from the corridor with his hand on the small of my back. 

We would see what Mercer Frey wanted of me. 

\----

“Goldenglow Estate? But even our little Vex couldn't get in…” Brynjolf said incredulously. 

“She's the quickest and quietest on her feet, we've tried everything else, do you not think she's up for it Brynjolf?” Mercer raised an eyebrow in a challenge. 

Brynjolf had made no secret of his high hopes for me and my career at the guild. He had called me his prodigy. Brynjolf looked to me and I could see he was worried. 

“I know she's up for it, but it’ll be her first solo job. Don't you think it's rather big?” He said in a low voice. 

“What better time than the present to see just how good your ‘little lamb’ is. Bretta, you've been briefed on what you need to do. Do you feel up to task?” He looked at me and I swallowed. 

“Yes, Guild Master.” I said as I bowed my head. 

He dismissed us and I walked slowly back towards my cot in the corner. 

“Hey! Bretta! Wait up.” Brynjolf followed up beside me and I turned to look at him. 

“You must be careful tonight, little lamb.” He said, his voice was low and serious. 

“I'm always careful.” I retorted with an eyeroll and turned to walk away. He grabbed my arm to stop me. 

“I'm serious, Bretta, the men that guard that place are not kind. I don't want to think of what they would do to you… were you to fail.” He said quietly. 

I smirked at him, “Brynjolf, are you saying you CARE for my well being?” 

He cleared his throat awkwardly and stepped away from me slightly. “I mean, of course I do, how would it make me look if you flaked on your first real job?” He said nonchalantly. 

I nodded with a smirk, not buying his words for a second. He nodded at me once and turned to leave. I called his name and he looked at me. 

“Hadvar has written me again, he needs some sort of lead on the Jarl. You promised to help me.” I had to lie to Hadvar about my current situation. Brynjolf said it wouldn't fare well if someone found out I had joined the guild. 

So I omitted a few things, and Hadvar had written me a letter a week since, inquiring of my progress. I had nothing to show him as of yet. Brynjolf said once I was trained we could focus more on that. He had sworn to help me. 

“Aye lass, I know, I have not forgotten. Once you complete this job, we will set up a way to gain information on the jarl.” He said, and I believed he would help me, so I nodded in agreement and turned from him. 

I couldn't let him know that I feared for what was next. I was not brave like these people seemed to think. I was good at not being seen, and that was about it. I was fast, and while I was confident in the skills with a knife that my brothers and now Brynjolf had taught me, I had never killed someone. The thought made me ill. 

\----

I gasped for air as I submerged from the lake. The water breathing potion Delvin had given me went up and I finally saw the Estate with clear eyes. It was a massive fortress, and I could see the light from torches of the men that patrolled the perimeter. My stomach rolled at the task before me, but I had decided that it wasn't an option to fail. Hadvar depended on me, and to disappoint him would break my heart. 

As much as I hated to admit it, I also didn't wish to let down my new friends at the Guild. They were so different from the people at the College. I had loved being there, the knowledge within those walls was without compare. However, Tolfdir and Onmund were the only people to truly treat me with kindness. The Guild was different. Brynjolf, while infuriating, was a good friend. Delvin was always around to have a drink with you and talk sneaking strategy. Sapphire was prickly at first, but she had quickly began to treat me like a little sister. They were all thieves, to many that would mean they weren't capable of being good people. I would have even thought that once, but I could see now that they were a family, and a family was something I yearned for desperately. 

I wanted to be one of them, a thought that still seemed foreign to me, but true nonetheless. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted that familial bond that my childhood was so desperately lacking. So I took a deep breath as I emerged from the water and began crawling up the rocks at the back of the Estate. My foot slipped just as I reached the grass and I held my breath as a few pebbles tumbled into the lake. I waited for a moment and when I heard no movement I continued up the rockface. 

Crouched low, I moved silently and swiftly. I spied a thug about a hundred yards away, I didn't take my eyes off of him as I brought flames to my hands and touched three of the bee hives until they began to smoke. I moved back towards the fence I had come around and by the time the thug had noticed the fires I was already back in the water, moving slowly towards the sewer exit that Vex had begrudgingly told me about. She wanted me to fail, I could see it in her eyes that she hated me. She thought I wanted to take Brynjolf from her, and then I thought of how I would feel if another woman caught Hadvar's favor, and I understood her hostility. 

The trip through the Estate was almost too easy. There were a few close calls with a few of the thugs but I was good with the shadows, and they protected me. The high elf was sleeping in his bed when I entered his chamber, and it was easy enough to take the key to his safe from his pocket. Then I made my way towards the basement. Once I had closed the hatch back I let out a relieved breath that I hadn't realized I was holding in. I clapped my hands together and began searching for the safe. 

I almost screamed when a pair of arms grabbed me from behind but a large hand covered my mouth before I could. 

“Shush there, you little sneak thief.” He hissed in my ear and spun me around.

My back hit the stone wall hard and I gasped. He was a tall Nord man and he jeered at me. He reached up and yanked my hood from my head, my dark hair fell around my shoulders and I breathed heavily as I stared at him. 

“Pretty little thief.” He muttered. 

“I recognize that armor you're wearing, thief. When I'm finished with you, tell Brynjolf that Gaspard sends his regards.” He spat. 

I didn't have time to move before he had grabbed me by the hair and spun me so my face was shoved into a hard wooden table. I shook with sobs and tried to fight my way free but he only slammed my head against the table, making me dizzy. 

“Stay still, thief, we wouldn't want you to die before you can deliver Brynjolf his message.” 

“Fuck you.” I spat as I kicked at him, my head throbbing from the hit. 

“Fiesty little thing, this will be fun, I like it when they fight.” He whispered in my ear as he leant over me, causing me to shudder. 

He ripped my leather top from my body, exposing my right shoulder and breast. Then he tore my breeches down. Tears were rolling down my face but I forced myself to keep my wits about me. I waited until he was about to force his way inside me before I grabbed his arm with my flamed hands. He screamed out and I moved out from under him and away from the table. He spun around and backhanded me hard, I fell to the ground. His hand grabbed my hair tightly and yanked me to my feet, but I was faster than him, I grabbed my dagger from my boot and I plunged the metal into his flesh as hard as I could. He held onto me tighter but looked in my eyes, he coughed, and blood bubbled from his mouth. I pulled the dagger out and aimed it right for his heart, he tried to stop me but the wound to his side had weakened him. I pushed the dagger slowly into his heart and I watched as the life left his eyes. He nearly fell on top of me, I moved quickly. The dagger still in my hand, having pulled out of him as he fell, and he landed to the ground with a fleshy thud. 

I stared at him, and then at my hands that still held the dagger, I dropped it like it had burned me and I sobbed silently as I looked at the body of the man that had tried to rape me. My head was pounding from his abuse, but I had to get out of this Estate before more of them came. I shakily reached down and put my dagger back into my boot. My top hung limply from my body but there was nothing to be done about it. I found the safe in a cell that also housed the exit into the sewer. I opened it and took everything inside, including a letter with an odd mark on the seal. Then I fled. 

\---

I made my way to the secret entrance of the Guild. It was by the will of the gods that I had made it back to Riften at all. My vision was blurring and I desperately wanted to sleep, my flesh was cold from the exposure of my ripped clothes, but I knew that if I failed everything would be ruined. I pushed the button and the tomb opened. I moved the lid from the manhole slowly and inched my way down the ladder. Shock was giving way to the understanding of what I had done, what had nearly happened and when my feet touched the stone floor I had to hold to the ladder to keep from falling. 

“She's back!” I heard the voice of Sapphire shout. I should have known they would all wait up for me. 

“Bretta! You did it!” I heard Brynjolf’s voice as he approached me. I turned slowly and saw his joyous expression turn to horror as he took in my condition. 

“Get a healer!” He shouted over his shoulder and picked up his pace as he approached me. 

“Brynjolf.” I croaked, my eyes filling with tears, I collapsed into his chest when he reached me and he lifted me easily into his arms. 

“Fuck, lass, what have they done to you?” He cradled me in his arms like a child and tried to cover my exposed flesh with the tattered leather top. 

“My head hurts so bad, I want to sleep.” I said as I leaned into him, I felt safe, and the fear of what had happened kicked in tenfold. 

“No, Bretta, you can't sleep! Not until we let a healer look you over.” He said urgently, touching my face softly to keep me alert. 

He walked me to a cot and sat me down with my back against the headboard. I looked at him with my blurry eyes and I was so grateful to be here with him, and not back at the Estate. I crumpled and another sob left me. Everyone else was scarce but I saw movement over his shoulder. Sapphire came forward with fresh clothes and a bowl of water.

“Let me clean her up Brynjolf. It will take an hour for Rune to fetch a healer.” She said softly. 

Brynjolf touched my face softly. 

“I will not leave her side.” He vowed quietly. 

“Then move so I can make her more comfortable.” She said more forcefully and if I didn't feel like my world was fading to black I might have laughed. 

He stood slowly with his back to us and Sapphire helped me out of my ripped top and breeches. I hissed as her fingers ghosted over dark purple bruises that were forming and she winced in apology. Once I was naked she took a wet washcloth and began wiping the dried blood from my face and body. Her touch was soothing and my body racked with sobs as I cried. 

Sapphire was as steady as a storm in her attentions and when I was mostly clean she helped me pull the clean clothes on, she touched my face as I leaned back against the headboard. 

“We are all relieved you're back.” She said with conviction. Then she turned to leave, touching Brynjolf’s shoulder as she passed him. 

Brynjolf turned to face me, he came and sat beside me on the cot and I scooted so he could fit. Silent sobs still left my body and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. 

“I'm so sorry, lass.” He said softly into my hair. 

“I need you to tell me what happened.” He whispered. 

“Gaspard was his name… he knew you.” I croaked and Brynjolf flinched. 

“Aye, we've had bad run ins with him before.” His voice shook with anger. 

“Did he touch you lass?” He asked me softly. 

“He tried… but I-” I stopped and swallowed. “He tried, but I killed him.” I whispered and another sob escaped me. Brynjolf held me tightly. 

“Shhh, it's okay, he won't ever hurt you again. I've got you.” He told me over and over as I cried. We must have laid there for a while, me crying and Brynjolf whispering comforting words in my ear. 

“Bretta? My name is Danella, I'm going to have a look at you and make sure your head injuries aren't severe.” A soft voice said and we both looked up. 

A female wood elf stared at us with a kind face. Brynjolf sat up and stood beside my bed as I maneuvered so the elven woman could sit beside me. She touched the wounds on my face and I flinched with a hiss. Brynjolf grabbed the elf’s arm in warning and she looked up at him in annoyance. 

“I have to examine her Brynjolf, now let me do my work, or I'll have Delvin escort you out.” She said in warning and he glared at her but backed down. 

After about twenty minutes of her shining my eyes with candlelight and asking me quick questions she decided that I didn't have a concussion and that with a few days rest I would be fine. 

As she walked away I settled back into my cot and Brynjolf turned to leave, I stopped him and he turned around. 

“Yes, lass?” He said softly. 

I suddenly felt awkward, but I felt safe with him here and the thought of him leaving made me feel ill. I remembered how Onmund’s presence would soothe my nightmares, and I suddenly missed my friend. 

“Could you… stay with me?” I asked in a quiet voice. 

Brynjolf smiled softly. “Anything you want, lass.” 

He took his leather top off, blew out the candle on my bedside table and moved to lay beside me in the cot. I felt nervous in a way that I never had when I slept beside Onmund. My stomach fluttered and I felt my hand shake slightly as I rested it on his bare chest. I nestled into his shoulder and sighed in relief as my body finally relaxed. 

“Bretta?” He whispered into the darkness. 

“Yes?” I replied sleepily. 

He was quiet for a moment, like he didn't know what to say next. 

“I'm really happy you are okay.” He said awkwardly, and I wondered for a moment if that's what he had intended to say, but sleep took me before I could press him further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be kind.


	3. Miscommunications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemon ahead people! You've been warned!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own it.

“I should gut you where you stand.” A feminine voice woke me but I didn't open my eyes. 

“Calm down, Vex, we were only sleeping.” Brynjolf said in a low voice. 

“Only sleeping? You were tangled together like a damn knot, and let's not even discuss the fact that you REFUSE to sleep in a bed with me.” She hissed. 

“She nearly died, Vex!” He shouted and I held back a flinch. 

“Do you love her?” Vex whispered after a moment of silence. Her voice much lower now. 

“Don't be ridiculous.” Brynjolf scoffed, I heard shuffling and assumed he was putting his leather top back on. 

“Answer the question, Bryn.” Vex’s voice was small and I held my breath. 

“She's nothing to me, V. Damn, is that what you needed to hear? She's a wee little lamb that got the snot beat out of her, and she didn't want to sleep alone. That's all it was. She's nothing.” His voice was low a cruel, and it hurt like he had stabbed me. 

Why did it hurt?

“She didn't even get what Mercer needed… I knew she wouldn't.” Vex’s voice was smug, I assumed Brynjolf’s declaration had satisfied her. 

“By the gods, Vex, could you please stop being so hostile to the girl?” Brynjolf complained. 

I heard their footsteps retreat and I laid there with my eyes opened once their voices faded. The reality of what had happened the night before laid heavily on me. I felt dirty, like I wanted to scrub my skin raw, and a heaviness in my heart because I had killed a man; and I didn't feel guilty. 

What had I become? 

“Little dove? Are you awake?” Sapphire’s voice broke me from my thoughts and I turned my head to her and forced a smile. 

“I am.” I said softly. She sat beside me on the bed and touched my hair. 

“How's your head?” She asked. 

“I feel like I've been beaten by a troll.” I admitted. 

“Not far from it, I would say.” She replied and I smiled slightly. 

“Thank you, for being such a kind friend to me.” I said, and touched her hand. She smirked. 

“Well, don't let everyone else hear you talking like that. I have a reputation to uphold.” I chuckled softly, but winced at the pain that shot through my head. 

She patted my hip and stood up. “I'll go get you a potion for your head.” She said with a smile and walked off whistling. 

I pushed myself from my cot and stretched, my body cracking in several places. I was otherwise unharmed besides the raging headache. Brynjolf's words still toyed in my mind and my heart gave a painful twinge. Why did I suddenly care about how he felt about me? He was intolerable on his best day, and he strung Vex along like a wee pup. He was nothing like Hadvar, kind and good Hadvar that would never disrespect a woman by toying with her emotions. I grabbed the new leather armor that lay on my table and began to put it on. I had some words to share with Brynjolf and Mercer, and I hoped Vex would be there to hear them too. 

“Drink this.” Sapphire said as I buckled my boots. I looked up to see a tiny red bottle, I took it and chugged it, gagging at the rancid flavor. 

“Tastes like goat piss but it will make that headache go away in an hour.” She said with a smirk. 

“Where did you put the ripped armor?” I asked her, she tilted her head in question but pointed to the chest at the end of my bed. 

I smiled and reached inside the chest, I fumbled with he ruined top but found the letter I needed. I held it up triumphantly to Sapphire and she smirked, amused. 

“What's that, little dove?” She said. 

“This, is exactly was Bryn and Mercer want.” I said with triumph and turned to walk towards Mercer’s station. 

\----

“Well done, Bretta, you've given us something to go on finally. Dismissed.” Mercer said with a smirk and I couldn't help the grin that came to my face as Vex glared at me. I ignored her though and turned to walk away. 

“Hold up there, lass, we need to celebrate. This is a grand victory for us.” Brynjolf said as he fell in step beside me. 

“I don't want to celebrate. I want to get the information I need for Hadvar.” I said, his words from earlier still causing a sting, made my voice come out cold. 

“You're still recovering from your ordeal. I think Hadvar can wait a few more weeks for the information. Ulfric and his Stormcloaks aren't backing down anytime soon.” He said with a grin. 

“Maybe Hadvar can wait, but I can't, I need to get the information so I can return to Winterhold.” I replied curtly. 

Brynjolf laughed without humor, “Surely you're joking.” He said. I glared at him and walked to the ladder that lead to the hidden entrance. I should have known he would follow me. 

“You don't get to just walk away after saying that. Explain yourself.” He demanded as we entered the small courtyard. I turned to glare at him again. 

“You heard me. After I obtain the information needed for Hadvar’s mission I will be returning to the College to continue my studies.” 

“You can't do that, we had a deal.” He said lowly. 

“I joined your Guild. I got you the information needed to find out who's sabotaging you. My part of the deal is complete. Now fulfill yours.” I spat and turned to walk around the building but he grabbed me and spun me back around. 

“You can't just leave!” He shouted in my face but I wasn't backing down. 

“You don't own me!” I shouted back, “You don't even care about me. How did you put it this morning?” I crossed my arms and put a finger to my chin in feigned thought, “Oh! I remember! ‘She's nothing to me.’ That's how you put it.” 

Brynjolf dropped his hand from my arm and stared at me in shock. “You were awake.” He whispered. 

“Yes. So sorry to eavesdrop on a lovers quarrel but it sure is nice to know where you stand with your friends.” I said cruelly. 

“Bretta… I just said that to get Vex off my back. You don't understand what she's like…” he tried to explain but I held up a hand to stop him. 

“You know what your problem is Brynjolf?” I said, and I stepped closer to him so we were only a hairsbreadth from each other. I stared into his eyes as I spoke, “You're a liar. You lie to Vex, you lie to yourself, and now you're trying to lie to me so I'll do what you want. Well fuck you, and fuck your help, I can get the information I need without you.” I spat. 

He stared back at me, and I breathed heavily at the rush of emotions running through me. He cursed lowly and grabbed my face, crushing his lips to mine. I gasped in surprise but wrapped my arms over is shoulders and leaned into his embrace. He kissed me properly, in a way that I had never been kissed before. There had been a few stolen kisses from other Breton boys at court, but Brynjolf kissed me like a man kisses a woman. 

We broke away with sharp breaths and he trailed kisses down my neck and collarbones. 

“You drive me crazy, lass.” He whispered huskily and I sighed at the attentions he was giving my skin. 

He palmed my breast and I gasped. “I don't want to rush you.” He murmured against the corner of my mouth. 

“Touch me.” I pleaded. I had never wanted to be touched so much in my life. 

Brynjolf didn't require any more urging. He ripped the leather top open and attached his mouth to my skin. I had an errant thought that Tonilia would not be happy with me going through two sets of armor in two days. Brynjolf pulled my breast band away and I gasped as the cold air hit my naked breast. 

“Perfect.” Brynjolf whispered and then traveled his hands down my body and to the buttons of my breeches. He undid them quickly and I was exposed for all of Riften to see. My mother would die if she could see me now, about to give my maidenhead to a thief in the middle of broad daylight. 

Brynjolf rested his forehead against mine as he undid his own breeches and then with a swift movement he lifted me up against the wall of the tomb building and pushed his way inside me. I gasped and moaned at the invasion. It hurt badly but it also sent a course of pleasure through me that I had never known. Brynjolf moaned into my shoulder and I held onto him tightly as he pulled out and pushed back in harder. 

“You feel so good.” He whispered. 

I responded with a moan. Brynjolf continued to pull out and push back into me forcefully and I cried out with each powerful thrust. I wondered if people could hear us, but I couldn't care, I was a woman possessed. Brynjolf rested his forehead against mine and we stared at each other as he pounded in and out of me. I felt a tension building within me, the slight pain mixed with the pleasure of his touch was making me come undone. 

“Let go, lass.” He whispered and I held onto him tightly as I cried out and the tight build of pressure released throughout my body. 

He thrusted into me a few more times before crying out as he bit into my shoulder with his release, marking me. We stayed there for a minute, he holding me against the wall as we both breathed heavily. After a few moments he let me set my feet down softly, I leant my head against his chest before bending to pull up my breeches as he did the same. It was suddenly very awkward and I didn't know what to say, or what I was even feeling at the moment. Why had I wanted him so desperately? He didn't belong to me, and my heart was with Hadvar… wasn't it? 

He looked down at himself suddenly, then back up at me. “Are you a virgin, lass?” He said with an incredulous voice. 

“I think ‘were’ would be a more appropriate way to put that, and yes.” I said in what I hoped was an even voice. I tried to pull the top to cover myself but it didn't do much good. 

“By the gods, Bretta! You should have told me!” He exclaimed. 

“Why?” I said with a shrug. 

“I would have… been gentler… or something.” He said in an awkward voice and I chuckled a little. 

“It's okay, Bryn, I wanted it; I'm not sure why, but I did.” I said and my voice was shaky. 

He touched my face and I looked up with him, he was staring at me in such a way that it made me feel like I might melt. I couldn't bare to see his eyes so I looked away. 

“You're still with Vex.” I whispered, guilt taking me over what we had done. 

“Vex wants something from me that I can't give her.” He said truthfully. 

“What makes you think I'm any different?” I challenged. 

“Because your heart already belongs to that Hadvar.” He said and I looked to him sharply, he chuckled. 

“Oh please, don't act like it's such a secret, anytime you talk about him your voice goes all moony. It's enough to make a man sick.” He grumbled. 

“Why would you want to fuck me if you know I'm in love with another man?” I asked shocked. 

“It's not your heart I want, little lamb. Now, let's go have a drink and talk strategy over getting this information for Hadvar.” He turned to leave me standing there with a dumbstruck look on my face. 

Had he just played me? Is this what his plan had been? I felt wrong and hurt, but too prideful to say anything. I followed after him wondering how my life had gotten to be so complicated. 

\----

I smirked as I sipped some water and Sabjorn was dragged away by the local guard captain. Maven would be pleased I had followed her task so diligently. The trip to Whiterun had been a long one but when Maven had asked me to do the job I had jumped at the chance. I needed time away from Brynjolf. He had not mentioned our encounter at all, in fact he was acting like it hadn't happened and I hated that it was making me feel so hurt and crazy. A four day horse ride and then another two weeks to gain all the intel I could in order to sabotage the meadery and come a step closer to finding this mysterious entity that Mercer was convinced was looming over the Guild. 

The events at Goldenglow had hardened me in a way, and I found I was no longer as afraid of the world as I once was. I wanted space from Brynjolf, and it was a great compliment that Maven asked me to do the job, so I went. The red-headed man in question had only said a few words to me upon my leaving. He had warned me to be cautious, and had vowed to relay information to Hadvar in my absence. He said it would be easier for he and I both to spy on Laila Law-Giver, it would draw less suspicion. 

I hoped he found what Hadvar needed, I hated letting Hadvar down and the longer I was in Riften, the more I became invested with the Guilds interests and less of Hadvar's. 

I shook hands with Mallus after I had retrieved the information I needed from Sabjorn’s rooms. Then I took a deep breath as I headed out the door and back to Riften. I supposed I couldn't run from it forever. 

\----

“Vex, you will go to Solitude and speak with Gulum-Ei, with a quickness. We need to know the movements of this person.” Mercer said as he leant over his work table. 

“It will be done, guild master.” She said with a bow of her head and turned to leave. 

I watched her go and wondered if she knew of what had happened between Brynjolf and me. I decided she probably didn't because my guts weren't spilt all over the Cistern floor. 

It was late and I turned to walk away from the gathered group and to my cot. A hand grabbed my hand and pulled me into one of the corridors. I knew it was him, we stood silent as everyone either left to the Flagon or bedded down for the night. He pulled me into a side room off the training area and kissed me deeply. I wanted to hit him, but my body responded to him without my control. 

“I worried about you.” He said softly in the dark and I sighed. 

“Now Bryn, you forget yourself, worrying implies caring.” I deadpanned but didn't move away from him. 

He chuckled and kissed me again and I hummed happily into his mouth. “Can I have you, Bretta?” He asked huskily. 

“Yes.” I whispered back and he pulled me onto the cot that was nestled into the corner. 

\----

I was laying on his chest and he was running his fingers through my hair softly. 

“I don't think we should do this anymore.” I said and his fingers stopped. 

“Why?” 

“Because it's not fair to Vex.” I replied. 

“Vex has nothing to do with who I go to bed with.” He responded and I scoffed and propped my head on my arm that lay on his chest so I could look in his eyes. 

“Does she know that?”

He sighed, “It’s complicated with her.” 

“Why do you lead her on if you don't love her?” I asked bluntly. 

“I do love her.” He said without hesitation and my heart twinged. 

“But you still sleep with other women.” I said. 

“You are the only other woman I've slept with since Vex.” I said and I blinked. 

I sat up and turned away from him. “Why?” 

“I don't usually make a habit of fucking my way around the Guild, believe it or not.” He said with a chuckled and I turned to look at him. 

“I don't understand you.” I said. 

“I love Vex, but not how she wants. I can't give her that, I'm not capable of that. She knows this, but she's always thought I would change eventually.” He said with a shrug and tried to pull me back down to the bed but I resisted. 

“So why did you start this with me then?” 

He sighed and sat up slightly. He touched my face and pushed his forehead against mine. 

“Can we just not over complicate it, lass? We enjoy being together, I will tell Vex when I think she can take it.” He said and kissed me softly. 

“Then what? Do I become your new shiny toy?” I said cruelly. 

“No! How can you think that's what this is?” He asked. 

“What am I supposed to think? You insist you're incapable of loving someone truly and yet you've been with the same woman for years. Then you start this with me and you can't even give me a direct answer as to why you even wanted it! Why Bryn? Why did you kiss me that day? Why did you fuck me again tonight? Huh?” I hissed the words at him and hopped from the bed, wrapping the fur blanket around my naked body. I glared at him and he shot out of bed to stop me from leaving. 

“Stop. Testing. Me. Bretta.” He said through gritted teeth. 

“You're such an ass, Brynjolf, an insufferable brute and it's all about owning things with you. Vex is a shiny thing for you to take and now it's me, but I'm not interested in getting tossed around like that. No thanks.” I threw the blanket at him and grabbed my clothes. 

He cursed loudly and tugged at his hair as I began to dress myself. 

“You drive me insane!” He shouted and I glared at him. 

“Oh that's great, wake the whole fucking Guild so we can get an audience to how much of an ass you are.” I hissed. 

He glared back at me as I put my clothes on and I went to walk away from him. I heard him shuffling quickly and I almost hoped he followed so I could deck him in the face. 

I made my way out of the corridor and to the main room of the Cistern. I stopped at who I saw standing at the center of the room. He looked around at the sleeping figures searching for someone. Searching for me. I heard Brynjolf come up behind me. 

“Bretta can we please-” he stopped when he noticed the newcomer as well. He moved to stand in front of me in a protective stance but I pushed past him as a laugh escaped my mouth. 

“Hadvar!” I breathed as I ran into the open arms of the tall Nord man. 

He scooped me up and spun me around, both of us laughing. “Bumblebee! You've changed so much.” He said as he sat me down and looked at me. 

“As have you! Your hair has gotten so long.” I said as I touched it and I forgot how much I missed him. 

I suddenly remembered the argument I had just had, and the other Nord man who stood staring at our reunion with a dark glare on his face. 

“Hadvar, we have much to catch up on, but this is Brynjolf. He's helped me a lot since I arrived.” I said in a small voice, Brynjolf’s glare throwing me off. 

“This is Brynjolf? The man that coerced you into joining the fucking Thieves Guild?” Hadvar said angrily and suddenly his presence here made sense. He had paid a visit to Sibbi. 

Hadvar moved to advance on Brynjolf but Bryn had a dagger aimed at Hadvar before he could take another step. 

“Hadvar, stop it, I joined on my own free will. If it were not for Bryn, Riften would have eaten me alive. Come, let's get you a room at the inn. We can talk more in the morning.” 

Hadvar glared at Brynjolf and he returned the glare with just as much hatred. 

“You better listen to your woman, man, I don't want to disarm a man in front of his lady.” He said without emotion and I jerked my head to look at him, but he wouldn't make eye contact with me.

Hadvar didn't take his eyes off Brynjolf but wrapped his arm around my waist in a possessive manner. “Aye, I could use some rest. My journey has made me wary.” He agreed and began to lead me from the Cistern. 

I didn't look back at Brynjolf, I didn't want to see the look of indifference. It would hurt too much. 

\----

“I can't believe you're a member of the Thieves Guild.” Hadvar said wearily as we sat at the table in his room. 

“I still have a hard time believing it myself.” I admitted as I drank the last of my ale. 

It was quiet for a moment. I looked up to find Hadvar staring at me. I blushed and chuckled. 

“What is it?” I asked. 

“There's something different about you, you were still a girl when last we were together. You've become a woman now.” He said with a smile and I laughed and tossed a bit of sweet roll at him. 

“I've missed you, Bee.” He said softly and I looked at him. 

I had loved Hadvar for so long, but so much had changed in the last two months. My heart still beat fast when I was near him; but it wasn't that all consuming fire that I felt when Brynjolf kissed me. Was that just sexual attraction though? I was still so new to that aspect of a man and woman relationship. Brynjolf had said he couldn't feel love, but there were also the gentle moments when he would touch my face and whisper to me in a secret voice. He didn't love me, he couldn't. I couldn't love him either, I thought of poor Vex and her devotion to him, loving Brynjolf seemed like a burden. A burden you carried alone because he couldn't bother to help you. 

“I've missed you too.” I said finally. My thoughts raging behind my eyes couldn't take away my time with Hadvar. 

“Why did you come here?” I asked. 

“Your friend… Brynjolf, he sent us enough evidence to take the city and put it officially under Imperial control. Laila Law-Giver has been funding the rebellion and we have multiple pieces of evidence thanks to you and your Guild. So I took the opportunity to come and escort you back to the College.” I thought over what he had said and it hit me. 

Brynjolf knew that once I completed Hadvar’s mission I would leave. He never intended on telling Vex, he had pursued me again because he knew it wouldn't be long before I would be gone. Trying to get his kicks while I was still around. The realization of this hit me in the gut and I suddenly felt sick. 

“Bretta, are you okay?” Hadvar asked worriedly and I looked at him. 

“When do we leave?” I asked, feeling like the city walls were entrapping me. 

“As soon as you want, I'm actually on leave. I would like to see this College of yours.” He said with a smile. I nodded, feeling sick. 

“Will you stay with me here? I hate the thought of you sleeping in that sewer.” He asked and I complied because the thought of facing Brynjolf now was too much to bare. 

“Can we leave tomorrow evening?” I asked. 

“Sure, if that's what you want.” I thought about it. 

“It is.” Hadvar smiled and touched my chin softly. 

“I had forgotten how breathtaking you are.” He said softly and I wanted to cry, because if he had said those words to me two months ago I would have been at his feet, but now things were so strange and complicated. 

“Do you have a shirt I can sleep in?” He nodded and walked over to rustle through his knapsack to hand me a large white undershirt. 

Hadvar stepped out of the room to give me privacy and I changed. I thought about Brynjolf and wondered what he felt, did he feel anything? How could he touch me the way he had and not feel anything at all?

Once I was dressed I called Hadvar back into the room and we pulled the covers back on the bed before snuggling under the covers. We both laid on our sides looking at each other. He asked me about the Guild and the College, and I asked him about the changes in the war. We caught up, as friends do, and I was so happy he was there; but I also felt heartbroken. I was so confused and I didn't know why Brynjolf couldn't have just left me be. He complicated things with his kisses and his words of affection. 

I felt a touch on my face and met eyes with Hadvar again. “What's troubling you, Bee? You know you can tell me anything.”

I couldn't though. I couldn't tell him that I had slept with a man that would never love me. I couldn't tell him that up until three months ago I thought he would be the only man capable of owning my heart; but that it had been stolen… by a thief that didn't even want it. 

“I'm just tired.” I said with a shrug and Hadvar looked like he didn't believe me. I didn't give him a chance to press me on it, I blew out the candle and snuggled against him. Trying to will thoughts of Brynjolf from my mind. 

\----

I stood in front of the secret entrance and stared. I thought of how my life had changed in the past months. I felt sad at the thought of leaving my newfound family here; but the thought of staying hurt worse. I couldn't be Vex, I wouldn't let myself. It was still early in the morning. I hoped everyone was awake but I doubted it. We worked in the shadows, so that meant the lot of them were night owls. Still, I needed to say goodbye. 

With a sigh I entered the Guild for what very well may be the last time. I maneuvered down the ladder and turned to see most people still nestled in their beds. I decided to try and find Delvin, old bat never slept. 

When I entered the Flagon I nearly turned around and walked right back out. Brynjolf sat at the bar drinking from a glass of ale. Vekel was speaking to him in a low voice. No one else was there. Brynjolf turned and caught sight of me. 

“Well there's the woman in question now! Come into the light lass, let me have a good look at you.” He was drunk, I sighed as I walked towards him. 

“I'll take care of him Vekel, why don't you go get some rest?” I said to the man behind the counter. 

“Aye, Bretta, you've got your hands full though.” He said as he threw the rag he was wiping the bar down with on the surface and turned to leave Brynjolf and I alone. 

“Did you let him touch you?” Brynjolf slurred when I turned to him once more. 

“What?” I said incredulous. 

“Did you let the bastard Hadvar touch you!” He shouted and I glared. 

“I don't see how that's any of your business.” I spat. 

“You stayed there… with him.” He said lowly. 

“Yes I did.” I agreed. 

He chugged the rest of his ale and stood up so he was staring down at me. I glared at him. 

“I don't want you staying with him again.” He said and my eyes bulged. 

“Who in oblivion do you think you are? You can't order me around.” I turned to walk away but he stopped me. 

“Stop walking away from me!” He shouted and I slapped him. 

“Go to bed, Brynjolf, you're drunk.” I walked away but he ran forward, stumbling slightly to stand in front of me. 

“No! You're going to listen to me!” He said, grabbing my shoulders. 

“Why should I! You never make any sense! You're back and you're forth, but I got your message! You got Hadvar the information he needed, and you knew that would mean I would leave. You've had your fun now let's just stop dragging it out.” I said in a low dangerous voice. He stared at me dumbly. 

“What are you talking about?” He asked. 

“You knew all this time that you had the right information for Hadvar to get Laila off the jarls seat and you kept up this” I motioned between us, “Knowing it was only a matter of time before I left anyway. Got what you wanted and now I'm out of the picture so you don't have to tell Vex. Well played Bryn, well played.” I turned to walk away again but he stopped me once more. 

“I never wrote a single letter to Hadvar.” He said. 

I furrowed my brow, “Yes you did, he told me you did.” 

“I didn't even go to Mistveil Keep while you were away.” 

“You're lying! Hadvar told me you sent him information that implemented Laila in supporting the rebellion.” 

Brynjolf took my hand and put it over his heart. “Bretta, you have no reason to believe a word I say but I didn't send him that information. I wouldn't use you like that. Please believe me.” He stared at me, and he seemed much more sober now. 

“Who would do that then?” I asked, still unsure. 

“I have pretty good idea…” he trailed off, he looked angry. It made sense then… Vex. 

“Why did you lie about getting information then? You told me when I was gone you would do it.” 

Brynjolf sighed and looked sheepish, “I knew you would leave, and I wasn't ready to say goodbye.” 

I stepped away from him then and I felt tears filling my eyes. I couldn't take the back and forth. 

“What do you want from me, Bryn? You can't just say stuff like that to me and then turn around and say you only want my body. Why did you kiss me? Why did you start this whole thing?” I demanded. He stared at me, silent. 

“Answer me!” I shouted, my voice echoing off the stone. 

“Because I wanted you more than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life!” He shouted back and I stared at him. 

“But you said-”

“I know what I said.” He replied with a sigh and then threw his hands in the air. 

“You scare the hell out of me, lass. I've never felt this way about anyone. The night of Goldenglow you were like a broken doll in my arms, and it wasn't the same as the others when they get banged up on a job. I felt useless because all I wanted was to take that pain from you. I felt angry at myself for letting Mercer send you there, and I was scared, I was so scared you were hurt beyond repair and that's when I knew. I knew that-” he stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Knew what?” I whispered. 

“Knew that I was in love you, and it terrified me. That night when I held you, I slept better than I ever had. I never let Vex sleep with me. It's too intimate, but holding you all night was better than anything I had ever experienced. That terrified me. I kissed you that day because I thought I might combust if I didn't. Then you were gone for weeks and I waited every day for a letter, for something, and I worried you would come home broken again or worse, not come home at all. I don't know how to deal with that, feeling like your life depends on another person's existence. I don't know how to do this.” He said with a shrug before continuing. 

“And I know you're in love with that bastard and I hate him, I hate him for having that part of you, so that's why I tried to save face. I tried to act like it was just sexual, so that maybe I could look you in the eyes with an ounce of dignity.” I stared at him, this big man of mine that was too good for love. 

I wanted to kiss him and hit him all at once. I was in shock of what to say. I looked at my feet and he moved forward to touch my face. 

“Please say something.” He begged. 

I stared into his eyes, green against blue. 

“I'm not in love with Hadvar.” I said softly. 

“What?” He said. 

“I'm in love with you… you big brute.” I said with a chuckle and a brilliant smile spread across his face. 

“You love me?” He asked and I laughed. “Yes!”

He kissed me then and I laughed into his mouth as I returned it. He pulled away from my mouth and hugged me tightly. His head rested on top of mine. 

“You're mine?”

“I'm yours.” I replied.


	4. Understandings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own it.

The following weeks at the Guild I would always remember fondly. After breaking the news to Hadvar that I intended on staying with Brynjolf, my dear friend had hugged me tightly and kissed my forehead. He threatened Brynjolf's life if anything were to happen to me, and told me he would always be there if I should need him. I was happy that he parted with me on amicable terms. I would always care for him, but my heart belonged to the red headed man that I shared a bed with every night. 

We had received missives from Vex on her progress with the Argonian, and she said she would return in two days time to relay all that she had learned. I had dreaded her arrival since then. Brynjolf planned to speak with her as soon as she spoke to Mercer, and I was terrified of her reaction. She would want to kill me, I knew she would. I felt sorry for her but I couldn't find it in me to feel regret for what Brynjolf and I had done. I loved him deeper than I had ever loved anyone, and he brought a feeling of peace to me that I had never had in my tumultuous childhood. 

He and I had rented a room at the Bee and the Barb since our relationship officially began. We spent our time off from the Guild there just getting to know one another. I told him of the destruction of Helgen and how it haunted my dreams, and he told me about being a penniless orphan until Delvin taught him to steal, the Guild was the only family he had ever known. He would rub my back softly while we talked, and it never failed to lull me to sleep. We both had masks we wore to hide our true selves, but when it was just the two of us we were completely bare. I told him about my family and how they disowned me after I refused to marry someone I didn't love. He always listened and never judged me for my feelings, it was freeing. 

“Will you finish your studies at the College?” He asked one evening. 

I shrugged, “I always had this image of myself as a mage, that's what I was, that's what I am good at. I don't think I can be that girl anymore, not after everything that's happened. I want to see the Guild through this threat.” 

He smiled, “I love you.” He whispered, he said it a lot. He always said it in a voice of awe, like he could hardly believe it himself. 

“I love you too.” I responded. 

“Vex returns today.” I said as we lay, wrapped around each other. 

“Aye, the storm will finally blow in.” 

“Do you want me to come with you?” I asked, looking up at him. 

“No, little lamb, I think this is something I must do alone.” He said as he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. 

“I'll wait in the Flagon for you to speak with her.” I said and he kissed my forehead. 

“Don't let Delvin convince you to play cards again.” He warned and I chuckled. I had lost a hundred septims to Delvin last week. 

“Never again.” I swore and I earned a laugh and another kiss. Oh how I loved him. 

“We better get up, lass, as much as I would love to lay here all day and look at your naked form. We have business.” He said, he swatted my behind as he stood causing me to squeal. 

\----

I paced in the Flagon as I waited for the meeting to end. I had decided to not stay to listen to what Mercer was saying about the next plan. I figured it would be best if Vex didn't see me at all before Bryn spoke with her. It was just Tonilia and Vekel in the bar with me. Vekel kept trying to get me to have a drink to calm down, and Tonilia kept making jokes about my armor lasting for longer than a week, I think she was trying to take my mind off of what was coming. Everyone knew that Bryn and I were together. Sapphire had congratulated me and then said she would disembowel Brynjolf if he hurt me. Delvin had simply slapped us both on the back and said it took us long enough. 

Vex was the only one that didn't know, and I think everyone was holding their breath for her reaction. She and Brynjolf had been in their odd relationship for nearly ten years, and I had ruined it for her. She would be livid I was sure, not to mention she didn't like me to begin with. 

I chewed on my thumbnail as I paced and when I heard movement from the entry way I looked up. Vex was storming towards me and I stood there petrified as she came and slapped me across the face, hard. I stumbled slightly into a stacked pile of cargo boxes, and held my cheek at the sting. I looked up at her, trying to convey that I didn't want to hurt her with my eyes. 

“I'm sorry, Vex.” I said truthfully. 

“You're a man stealing whore and I hate you!” She shouted. Her eyes were filled with tears, and it was odd to see Vex like this. Strong Vex, fool for no one, was broken. 

“We never wanted to hurt you.” I whispered and she raised her hand again, I flinched waiting for the blow. When it didn't come I looked up to find Brynjolf holding her arm with a deadly look on his face. 

“That's enough, V.” He said lowly. 

She shoved him, “Fuck you! I've been nothing but loyal and devoted to you for YEARS, and then this little Breton slut comes in and you throw me away like yesterday's garbage!” She pounded his chest with her fists as she spoke. 

She turned to me and glared, “You're just a little possession to him. He’ll tire of you in due time, and I'll be here, waiting. He always comes back, you are nothing.” She spat. 

“I said that's enough!” Bryn shouted, I flinched but Vex just turned on him again. 

“You'll be back.” She said, and her voice shook. 

“I won't.” He said softly, pleading with her. 

“You've left before, and you always come back.” She said. 

“This time is different, V. Things with you and I are done.”

“How? How is it different? What does she have that I don't?” She demanded. 

“I love her, Vex.” Brynjolf’s voice was loud and demanding.

Vex stepped back like he'd stabbed her and then looked at me and then back to him. 

“But you said-” she began. 

“I lied to you when I said it was nothing. I lied to myself, but not anymore. I'm in love with her, Vex, and I don't plan on ever leaving her side.” He made his voice soft and kind like he was speaking with a child. 

Vex shook her head as if she didn't believe it and then looked at me once more, her eyes filled with anger and heartbreak before she turned and fled from the Flagon.

I looked to Bryn and he stepped forward and touched the side of my face she had slapped gently. 

“You okay, lass?” He asked. 

“Are YOU okay?” I retorted. 

“I hate hurting her, but I won't let anything stand between you and I, she will cool down and I think once she sees how I feel for you; she will understand.” I wasn't so sure but I hoped he was right. 

I stepped towards him and rested my head on his chest as I sighed. “I love you.” I whispered. 

“I love you too, little lamb.” He said. 

\----

I should have known that the happiness I felt would end. Good things always end, we don't live in a world where happiness thrives, we live in a world that takes all you love from you. 

Mercer summoned Brynjolf and I to a private meeting a week after Vex returned. It was late at night, Mercer looked like he hadn't slept in days. 

“It's Karliah. I didn't want to believe it, but the message Vex brought back with her... it all makes sense now. ‘I'm going back to where the ending began'. She's going back to the Sanctum that she murdered Gallus.” He paced as he spoke and Brynjolf and I stood silent as he spoke. 

“What's our next move?” Bryn spoke up. 

“Bretta and I will go and end this madness.” He spoke resolutely. 

Brynjolf looked at me and then back to Mercer. 

“I'll go instead.” He said. 

“No, I need someone silent and fast. She's the best. She goes.” Mercer said with finality. 

Brynjolf tried to protest again but I touched his arm. “I will do this, Mercer.” I said with a nod and Mercer nodded back at me. 

“Good. We leave in an hour, prepare yourself.” He said. 

When Brynjolf and I had returned to the inn for me to pack my essentials Brynjolf released his frustrations. 

“I have a bad feeling about this.” He said as he paced the room, I watched him as I sharpened my dagger. 

“I'll be fine. You've trained me well.” I said softly to reassure him. 

“No, Mercer never takes junior members with him on quests such as this. I have a bad feeling, lass, please promise me you'll watch yourself?” He said, and rushed forward to hold my face in his hand. 

I kissed him softly on the lips and agreed. “I'll be careful.” 

He kissed me with more passion then and I knew what he wanted. Brynjolf often couldn't put everything he wanted into words, but when we were in bed, we understood each other in a different way that I don't think anyone else could ever understand. I returned his kisses and I let him lift me into his arms and carry me to the bed. He laid me down softly and undressed me carefully as if I were a doll that might break. 

When I was laid before him, he undressed himself and covered my body with his own. He kissed my neck and ran his fingers into my hair as he pushed inside of me. I moaned loudly and arched my back at the pleasure that coursed through me. He started a punishing pace and I wrapped my legs around his torso as he thrusted into me over and over. 

“I love you.” He whispered into my ear and I cried out as my release took me. 

He followed soon after and we lay there spent. He laid his head on my chest but was still careful not to put his full body weight on me. I ran my hands through his hair as my breathing settled from our love making. 

“I don't know what I would do if something happened to you.” He said quietly and I moved out from under him so I could prop myself up on my arm and look at him. 

“I'll be fine, Brynjolf. You worry too much.” I said lightly. 

“Swear to me that you'll come back.” He said as he sat up. I took his hand and put it over my heart. 

“I swear that I will always come back to you.” I vowed and he kissed me. 

I pulled away from him and stood from the bed. “I have to finish sharpening my blades. Mercer will need me to meet him soon.” 

Brynjolf watched me as I dressed and when I looked over at him I could see that he was still troubled. I walked over to him and kissed him softly, running my hand over his cheek as I did so. 

“Mercer is the best fighter in the Guild. He won't let anything happen.” I said to him, looking into his eyes. 

“Go, before I pull you back to bed.” Bryn said with a half-hearted smile. 

I kissed him and grabbed my knapsack from the table as I turned to leave, grabbing my daggers and the whetstone as I passed. I would have to sharpen them while we rode it would seem. 

“Bretta?” He called and I turned to him as I was heading out the door. 

“I love you.” He said, he looked at my face intently, like he was committing it to memory and I smiled at him. 

“Love you more.” I said before leaving him. 

\----

Mercer quickly picked the lock on the puzzle door and I watched in awe as the ancient door creaked and grinded as it opened. When it was completely lowered I looked to Mercer who motioned for me to take the lead. This should have struck me as odd, but we had been in the Sanctum for hours now and I was ready to end this Karliah. 

As I stepped over the threshold I felt a pain in my shoulder and my vision blurred as I fell to the ground. I knew it was poison, I could feel it coursing through my veins as I laid on the ground. I was paralyzed as I lay there. Mercer carelessly stepped over my form and that's when another hooded figure came into view. 

They shared words of how Karliah had been trying to take Mercer down for years by slowly undermining his allies. Mercer admitted to the murder of Gallus and I tried to move but the poison was preventing me from doing anything but laying there helplessly. They shared words I didn't understand Nightingale was spoken and I tried to remember where I had heard that. 

The elvish woman disappeared suddenly. 

“I'm no fool, Mercer. Crossing blades with you would be a death sentence. I swear to you though, the next time we meet, it will be your undoing.” Her voice grew quiet as she spoke and then Mercer turned his glare to me. 

“Well, it seems that Gallus’s history has repeated itself. What's ironic about this is that none of it would have been possible without you.” He pulled his blade from his sheath and knelt so we were face to face. 

“Please.” I whispered and he touched my face. 

“Farewell. I will give Brynjolf your regards.” He said before stabbing me in the stomach. 

\----

Brynjolf POV

\----

It had been four days since she left and my mind had done nothing but torment me since. I played her farewell over and over in my mind. Her blue eyes were shining in the candlelight and she smiled her beautiful smile at me as she whispered her love for me. 

This woman had turned me into an emotional wreck. I released my frustration and worry by target practice on the dummies in the Guild. Mercer had ordered everyone to lay low while he and Bretta went to Snowveil to deal with Karliah. Without a job to keep me busy, my thoughts went into even more tenfold. 

Vex was avoiding me, and it was just as well to me, I didn't need to hear her venomous words. Not when I was so worried for Bretta’s safety. I should have been the one to go, and I couldn't shake the aching feeling in my mind that there was more going on than we knew. Mercer finally returned on the fourth day and everyone rushed to him as he stumbled towards us. He had a wound on his shoulder and stomach. He clutched his bloodstained armor as he approached us. 

I looked and waited for her to come but she never eased down the ladder. Mercer stepped forward and touched my shoulder. 

“I tried to save her.” He said with pity in his voice and my eyes shot to his. 

“You mean she's…” I could think the words, I couldn't say them. 

“She's dead, Brynjolf. I'm so sorry, Karliah shot her with an arrow before we could react and then after a brawl the coward cloaked herself and then fled. I tried to stop the bleeding but there was too much.” He spoke quickly and I stumbled back at his words. 

“No.” I shook my head. 

“She's gone, Bryn.” 

“You're lying!” I shouted. 

“Go to the Sanctum! She's still there, I couldn't bring her body back because of my injuries.”

I shook my head and walked away. Sapphire stepped in front of me, she had tears in her eyes. “Come on, friend.” She said softly and I let her lead me from the Cistern. 

I followed her numbly through the Ratway and up into the streets of Riften. Everyone up there was still busy with their daily tasks. How could they keep existing like they were when my entire world had just ended?

Once Sapphire had taken me to my room… my room and Bretta's. She sat down beside me on the bed and I stared blankly at the wall. 

“Do you want to talk?” She asked. 

“There's nothing to say. I might as well have died with her.” I said, Bretta's face flashing through my mind. 

The way she looked when I made love to her. The way she would tilt her head when she caught me staring at her. The way her mouth moved when she told me she loved me, the way she threw her head back when she laughed. How would I ever be the same?

“She would want you to keep living.” Sapphire said softly. 

“Well she's not here to have an opinion. I should have been there!” I shouted the last few words as I stood and slung a wooden bowl across the room. 

I shouted loudly and punched the wall over and over again. Anger and anguish taking me. My knuckles were bloody when I finally stopped and I pressed my forehead against the wall as I sobbed. 

“I promised her I would never let anything else happen to her.” I said quietly. 

“You're not at fault here. It's that bitch Karliah. You can't blame yourself.” Sapphire was standing beside me and I turned my head to look at her. 

“You loved her too.” He said quietly. 

“Like she was my own sister.” She agreed. 

“What will we do without her?” I asked helplessly. 

“We will put our grief into action and try to find her killer so we can have justice. We owe it to her.” Sapphire said, her voice low and deadly. I nodded and agreement. 

“The bitch will die.” I swore. 

\----

Bretta POV

\----

I opened my eyes slowly and then hissed from the rush of light. I was cold, and thirsty, I looked around and noticed I was in a small camp. A pain in my abdomen shot through me and I realized I was topless with my whole torso wrapped in cloth. There was a bloodstain on my right side and I pressed against it softly and hissed at the pain. 

“Don't touch it.” A soft voice came from my right and I was up in a flash 

I groaned and held my side as I faced the elvish woman from the Sanctum. I grabbed a nearby stick and pointed it at her. 

“Don't come near me!” I said hotly. 

She held her hands up, “If I wanted to kill you, you would already be dead.” She spoke softly. 

“You shot me!” I exclaimed and she sighed. 

“I shot you with a poison arrow that paralyzed you temporarily and slowed your heart rate. It took me over a year to perfect the poison and I only had enough for one shot. Using it on you saved your life. It slowed the bleeding from Mercer’s attack. A thank you would be nice.” She said matter of factly and I glared at her. 

“Why save me? Why not leave me in that tomb to die?” I said with my eyes narrowed. 

“Because I need your help.” She said simply. 

“Why?”

“You heard Mercer’s declaration. He killed Gallus and framed me, I've been running ever since. I needed that poison so I could clear my name, but now you're going to help me.” 

“I can't help you. I have to go to Brynjolf.” I said as I threw the stick down and moved to look for my top. 

I hissed at the sharp pain and leant against a rock beside the campground. I felt a hand on my shoulder and Karliah gently helped me sit down so my back rested on the rock. 

“You're in no condition to travel.” She said as she walked over and brought a salve. She wordlessly unwrapped my bandage and began rubbing the salve over the deep wound. 

“I have to leave.” I said through gritted teeth as she redressed the wound. Karliah looked up at me with dark eyes and sighed. 

She ignored me and turned to put the salve in her bag, she threw the old bandages in the fire and stood there with her arms crossed as she stared at the flames. 

“I promised him I would come back.” I said, using the rock to help me stand. 

Karliah smiled slightly and looked at me. “Brynjolf you say? I remember him. Delvin had just taken him in when Mercer murdered Gallus. I wonder if he remembers me.”

I didn't respond and she sighed and turned to me. 

“Look, I know you have no reason to help me. You don't know me, but I've helped you, I've saved your life. You seem like a woman with honor amongst thieves and while I hope that will be enough for you to help me let me paint you a different picture.” She walked over so both stood with our backs against the large rock and began talking. 

“Mercer will have no doubt made it back to the Guild by now. He will have either declared that I murdered you, or spun a story of your involvement with me no doubt turning everyone you care about in the Guild against you.” I shook my head in protest but she held up a hand. 

“I have friends there too, but do not underestimate Mercer’s ability to influence people. He's done it once and he will do it again. If you go back it's in the air whether or not knives will greet you. We need to find viable evidence that shows his guilt to present to the Guild. That's the only way to beat him. If I go there alone they will surely murder me where I stand. If you help me, and we go together; then we might actually be able to take Mercer down once and for all.” She stared at me and I was torn. 

I wanted to help her, I wanted to stop Mercer. No one would believe me if I ran back there with no evidence. Even if he hadn't turned them against me, even if they thought me dead, I couldn't throw accusations at the guild master without proper evidence. I thought of Brynjolf though, how worried he must be, or betrayed. I flinched at the thought of him hating me. I couldn't go back though, not without bringing the proper evidence to take Mercer down. I looked to Karliah and she watched me with a worried expression. 

“I will help you see this through.” I vowed, she let out a relieved breath and smiled. 

“Thank you, I will not forget this. As soon as your injuries are better, we ride for Winterhold.” She said. 

I looked to her sharply. “Winterhold?”

“Yes, do you have people there?” She inquired. 

“Aye… I used to.” I said softly. 

I was unsure what awaited me there now, but I would do what I must.


	5. Not So Happy Reunion

I held my breath as the steps of the guards entered the chamber. I clutched the rubbing tightly in my hand as I listened to them. They were mumbling amongst themselves, looking for me. I wouldn't let this chance pass me by. For two years Karliah and I had been traveling throughout Skyrim. Enthir had told us of various translations for the ancient text used in Gallus’s journal, but they had all been dead ends. This was finally our chance. 

It was my chance to finally return to Brynjolf’s side. I longed for him desperately. I wondered if he had written Hadvar, I wonder if he thought I was dead. There were so many questions I had for him, and this translation was my last chance to get it. Our searches had led us to Markarth and the museum there. Finally a substantial lead to get what we needed. 

We had spent our leave from traveling in Winterhold. Onmund had become Arch-Mage in my absence. A great discovery was founded and the Thalmor “advisor” had went mad with power. It was my dear Onmund who stopped him. I still feel surprised sometimes when I think of him welcoming me back to the College with open arms, dressed in the robes of an Arch-Mage. It seemed that Onmund had his own destiny to fulfill, he had helped us as much as he was able, and the research from the College had proved invaluable to mine and Karliah’s investigations. 

Karliah and I had formed a strong friendship during our travels, we were both isolated from our family. She understood my circumstances in a way that no one ever had. I wanted to see Brynjolf more than anything, but second to that was my devotion to Karliah’s friendship, and the desire to help her clear her name. 

I couldn't fail. 

I listened to the steps of the enemies exit the opening chamber and come towards the upper balcony. If I did not move fast, they would find me out, and I would be sent to the Markarth mines. Everyone knew once you went there, you never came out. 

Steadying my breath I quickly hopped off the rise-above the rock was upon and fled silently for the door. 

They never even saw me. 

\----

With the translation in our grasp Enthir was finally able to decode the journal that held the information we needed. Gallus had grown wise to Mercer’s betrayal of Nocturnal and the tool he had stolen from her Sepulcher. Karliah had been very vague with her tales of the Nightingales. I remembered them from a book I had found in the Guild. I thought they were a myth but it seemed I was wrong. Karliah was one, and Mercer and Gallus. Mercer had betrayed their oath, plunging the Guild into Nocturnal’s ire. Delvin hadn't been too far off when he said we were cursed. 

Journal in hand we made our way to Riften and I felt with every mile closer I would get sicker. I hadn't seen his face in two years time. I had dreamt of him every night. Would he still want me? What if he hated me? Would he understand why I had to stay away?

“Stop worrying. You're making me tense.” Karliah said from her horse as we rode. 

“What if he wants nothing to do with me?”

“Then he's not the man you thought he was, calm yourself dear one, if he loves you as he said. That love will never diminish. You understand?” She made eye contact with me and I nodded once. 

He loved me. He would understand when I explained. 

\----

“Walk slowly and don't make sudden movements. Once they see me they'll all be ready to fight.” She said lowly and I nodded, pulling my hood lower over my eyes. 

As soon as we entered the light I could hear the knives being drawn. “You have some nerve coming here!” I heard the shout of my beloved friend Sapphire. 

Karliah blocked the blow of the dagger and disarmed Sapphire with a quickness. She spun gracefully and landed in a crouch, the dagger pointed at the tall Nord woman. Others had drawn their weapons now, I did not see the red hair I searched for, but I didn't have time for that. 

“You murdered her in cold blood!” Sapphire shouted, swinging at Karliah even though the elf had a weapon. 

I took the moment to stand between the two women I called friends. I removed my hood and gasps filled the Flagon. 

“Little dove… is it really you?” Sapphire’s voice was filled with disbelief and I felt tears come as I stared at my dear friend. 

“Yes, it's really me.” I croaked. 

Sapphire laughed through her tears and hugged me tightly. I returned her hug and she clung to me tightly, her fingers digging into my sides like she thought I would evaporate. 

She pulled away with a sniff and looked at me, “I don't understand. Mercer said you were dead… he said SHE killed you.” She glared over my shoulder at Karliah and I placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her. 

“Mercer has been lying to everyone for a very long time.” I said softly and she looked to me once more. 

“What are you saying?”

“Karliah? Show them the journal.” I said and the woman complied. Tossing Sapphire her dagger back and reaching in her pack to pull out the tethered journal. 

\----

About a half an hour later Sapphire and Delvin sat at a table with Karliah and I. They told us that since his return from Snowveil Sanctum Mercer had been more and more reclusive. He rarely came to the Flagon, and instead spent all of his time in his house. They hadn't seen him in weeks. 

“He's been stealing from the Guild for years. Gallus knew and planned to expose him, that's when Mercer killed him.” I said looking at them both. 

“We need to check the master safe to be sure. I don't doubt you girl, but I have a hard time seeing how he could steal from the Guild when you need at least two keys to open that lock.” 

“He didn't use a normal key.” I heard Karliah whisper but I looked to Delvin. 

“Open it then.” I said without doubt. 

“We will have to fetch Bryn, he has the other key…” He trailed off and he and Sapphire shared a look I did not understand. 

My heart sped up when they spoke his name. I hadn't asked, needing to clear the air with Delvin and Sapphire first; but he had been at the forefront of my mind since we entered the Flagon. 

“Where is he?” I asked evenly. 

They shared the look again and I narrowed my eyes at them. Sapphire finally sighed. 

“He owns a house here in Riften now, Frost Wreath. It will be better for him to explain things to you.” She told me with a sad smile. 

I looked to Karliah and she nodded, smiling encouragingly. I stood, pulled my hood over my head and began to walk away. Sapphire called my name and turned to see her smiling at me. 

“It's really good to see you.” She whispered and I nodded before leaving them in the Flagon. 

\----

I let out a low whistle as I stared at the large home in front of me. Brynjolf had always said he hated big houses. He didn't know why one person needed so much space, yet here he was, living in a glorified mansion just a breath away from Mistveil Keep. 

I thought about Delvin and Sapphire’s strange behavior and wondered what awaited me behind the two large wooden doors. It was just Bryn, what could have changed so much? 

I decided to go with the stealth approach and picked the lock without trouble. I pushed the door open and wondered inside carefully. What I heard next, floored me. 

It was the unmistakable giggle of an infant. It didn't click with me right away, why would there be an infant in Brynjolf’s home. I crept quietly through the house, following the noise and the low voices of a man and a woman. 

“There now, that's it, walk to daddy.” His voice was undeniable and it sent a shiver down my spine to hear him. His words threw me however. 

I finally stepped around the corner and what I saw made all the odd things finally click for me. 

Brynjolf sat cross legged on the floor in front of the hearth. A blonde haired baby toddled towards him, and coming from the arms of another blonde. A tall beautiful blonde, that was a good infiltrator and had a mean right hook. I watched them for a moment, they didn't notice me. Brynjolf smiled adoringly at the child and it was odd to see him in that setting. My big strong man, was in awe of such a tiny human. Vex’s hair had grown long and her face seemed softer than it had when I saw her last. I felt like the bread I had had for lunch would pour from me. I stepped backwards and they both heard the creak of the floor. Two pairs of eyes looked at me with anger for intruding in their home. They couldn't see my face, my hood hid it from them. I fled before they could speak. 

“Hey! Come back here!” His voice called after me. But I couldn't stop. 

The pain of what I had witnessed was too much to bare. He had forgotten me, moved on, and with HER of all people. I felt like my heart was getting crushed from the inside. I ran into the streets and weaved throughout the throngs of people. I glanced over my shoulder and when I was sure he was no longer following me I steadied to a walk. I had just went around the corner beside the Pawned Prawn when muscular arms grabbed me and threw me against the wood of the building hard. 

“There you are! Who are you!” He was angry as he jerked my hood from my head. 

When he saw my face he stumbled away as if touching me scalded him. I stared at him, my chest heaving from the adrenaline, I watched the emotions that flooded his face. Anger turned to disbelief. 

“But… you're dead.” He whispered, his eyes wide and afraid as he stared at me. 

I didn't know what to say to him. I couldn't say anything. This was not how I dreamed our reunion would go. I decided to shield myself from him, the hurt in my heart was too much and I couldn't let it weaken me. 

“You are required at the Guild. Delvin can explain further.” I said in a low voice. 

I turned to leave but he grabbed me. He pressed me against the wall with his body and stared at me, his eyes filled with love and awe. He touched my face gently, staring at every aspect of my face. 

“Little lamb, is it really you?” He whispered. 

“It is me.” My voice sounded shaky and I hated it. 

“How? Mercer said she killed you.”

“Mercer tried to kill me, Karliah saved my life. He has lied to everyone. We must go to the Guild now.” I said in a business tone. 

“Just wait a damn minute and let me get my head around this.” He said, not releasing me from his hold. 

“I've spent the last two years believing you're dead, and you show up out of the clear blue sky and drop all of this on me. I need time to process what you're saying, lass.” 

“We have to move quickly or he will get away from us forever.” I tried to move from him but he only held me tighter. 

“Will you please, stop trying to turn away from me. Please?” He sounded choked and it made the wall I had already built crumble slightly. 

“I am sorry for intruding on such a tender moment back there. I should have let Delvin fetch you.” I tried to make my voice not sound bitter, but it did. 

His hold on me loosened slightly, enough for me to wriggle free and stare at him. 

“All this time and you haven't written… why? Why would you not write to me?” He demanded, disbelief giving way to anger. 

“I couldn't compromise the mission Karliah and I had to complete.” 

He laughed without humor, “Compromise the mission? I mourned you! I was a broken man, Bretta! I could have helped you, we could have ended this a long time ago.” He accused, shouting loudly. 

“Oh I can see you were very wounded. Tell me, Bryn, how long did it take you to crawl back into Vex’s bed?” 

“I thought you were dead!” He shouted. 

“I died every day not being able to see you! It killed me knowing you were out there and I couldn't come to you! All the while you're here, playing house with a woman you claim to feel nothing for.” I spat, my anger and betrayal seeping into my words. 

“No, you don't get to make this my fault, you chose not to come to me. You let me think you were dead for two fucking years!” He shouted right in my face and I flinched. 

I took a deep breath and shook my head, my heart was breaking, but there was too much between us now. 

“I guess things turned out how they were supposed to in the end. We were doomed from the start. After we take down Mercer I will disappear and you can go back to your family as if I never returned.” I said, my words coming out stronger than I felt. 

I turned to leave but he grabbed my arm. “Bretta…” he trailed off and I could see that he knew too, that things could never be how they were before. Our time, while the happiest of my life, was cut short and we could never get it back. 

“I'll meet you at the Cistern,” I said and left him standing on the street. 

\----

I had volunteered to break into Mercer’s home. I was angry and heartbroken, I needed to put that energy into something useful. Brynjolf had offered to accompany me but I silenced him with a glare and he didn't say another word. Vex, thankfully had remained scarce, I wasn't in the mood for her and if I played this right then I wouldn't have to see her at all while I was here. 

I had decided a plan for the idiot Vald that Mercer hired to watch his house. I had learned that if you batted your eyelashes just right at a man, he would be most obliging to your wants. I sauntered up to the gate and leaned against the entryway with a smile on my face. 

“Hey! You're Vald right?” I called out, the thug turned to me and approached me. 

“I am, who's asking?” He watched me with slight suspicion but he still glanced up and down my body. 

“Well, I've just always heard everyone in town talk about the strange boobytraps that Mercer Frey uses to guard his house. I wondered if maybe you could show them to me.” I glanced up at him and smiled sweetly. He propped an arm against the rock wall and wore a smirk on his face. 

“Now, beauty, I can't very well offer tours of Mercer Frey’s home. What would he think of me?” He said leaning closer to me. 

“He wouldn't have to know… I'm very good at keeping a secret.” I said as I bit my lip. 

Vald opened his mouth to talk but was cut short when the hilt of a dagger came down on his temple, effectively knocking him out. I glanced up to see Brynjolf standing on the other side of the gate, glaring at me. 

“I had it under control.” I said with a glare. 

“Oh sure you did, little lamb. Tell me, how far would you have let him go before you knocked him out yourself?” He said cruelly as he opened the gate and I pushed passed him; not answering him. 

I picked through Vald’s pockets until I found the key I needed and began walking towards Mercer’s house. 

“Since when do you act like a whore to get your way instead of being respectful?” Brynjolf said as he caught up with me. 

I looked up at him shocked, and just scoffed as I turned the lock on the door and entered the house. I began looking around, the house was rather bare, and I figured Mercer had fled when he heard of mine and Karliah’s arrival. Brynjolf trailed behind me, I knew there was more he wanted to say, so I just waited for him to say it. 

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, lass. Seeing you speak to a man like that… real or not… I just didn't like it.” He said lowly and though I knew he was trying to make peace his words were enough to flare my temper. 

“Well you'll have to get used to the idea of me being with someone else. I'm an able bodied woman, it’s bound to happen eventually.” I said nonchalantly with a shrug. 

Brynjolf punched a cabinet to his right and glared at me. 

“Stop doing that, stop trying to punish me. I thought you were dead, Bretta, you have to know that. I loved you more than anything else, I was so lost and broken when Mercer told us you were killed. I was angry, and Vex was familiar to me. She helped me out of the darkness, and then I thought maybe if I couldn't have you I could still find some happiness, so I decided to really try with her, to try and have a relationship that I could build something on. The baby… Hilda, she was unexpected but she changed me, I had purpose again, a reason to live that I hadn't felt since you…died.” He sighed after his speech and I felt tears pouring from my eyes, I tried to make them stop but I couldn't. 

“Please don't cry, little lamb, I can't bear it.” He said softly as he touched my face, and I couldn't stop the sob that escaped my mouth. 

He pulled me to him and I held onto him tightly as sob after sob left my body. I was mourning the loss of us, and it hurt, it hurt worse than any dagger I had ever faced. 

“Tell me what I can do to make it better.” Brynjolf begged me and I pushed away from him and turned to face the wall. I clutched my abdomen as I cried. 

“There's nothing you can do.” I said as I wiped at my face, trying to calm my breathing. 

“Bretta-” he began but I turned around and stopped him. 

“No… please. You have a family now, a daughter, and Vex… you have a life together. I can't change that, and neither can you. We just have to live with this.” I said defeatedly. 

“No, don't say that, I can talk to Vex. She's different now, she will understand, she knows how I feel about you. We can figure it out.” He touched my face and I smiled sadly at him. 

“She's different because she's finally at peace, she has the one thing she's always wanted. I can't take her life from her, I won't do that. I couldn't live with myself.” My voice croaked and he rested his forehead against mine. 

“I can't lose you again.” He said brokenly. 

“When this is finished I will leave and we can try to just move on with our lives. If I stay here it will do nothing but cause issues for your family.”

“No!” Brynjolf said in a loud voice. He clutched my hair in his hands roughly as he spoke. 

“I won't lose you again.” He vowed and before I could reiterate my argument he kissed me roughy on the mouth. 

Two years since I had been kissed. Two years since I had felt the touch of a man, my man, my body melted into him and I poured my all into that kiss. This would be my farewell to him, we could have this moment, but then I had to let him go forever. 

\----

Afterwards, we laid upon a pallet made with our clothes. Brynjolf was laying on his side with his head propped up by his hand. He touched my face softly and smiled. 

“I still can't hardly believe it's you.” He said quietly. 

I smiled at him from my spot on his left. 

“Do I look very different?” I said as I sat up and kissed his cheek. 

“I think you're even more beautiful than I remembered.” He admitted and I rolled my eyes with a laugh. 

“Did you face a lot of danger while you traveled?” He inquired and I shrugged. 

“Karliah and I are both very good at moving unseen, we dodged a lot of dragons. They've become more vast since the attack on Helgen. No one talks about it though, they're all caught up in the bloody war.” I said with a huff. 

“My brave little lamb.” He said as he touched my face. 

I brought my knees up to my chest and propped my head on them, I stared at him while a question I had been wanting to ask twirled in my mind. 

“What is it?” 

“Will you… tell me, about your daughter?” I asked slowly and watched his face carefully, he smiled widely at the mention of his child. 

“She's beautiful, Bretta, and so curious about everything. Vex has just taught her to walk and watching her grow like that is surreal.” His eyes drifted away with thoughts of her. 

“Do you love Vex very much?” I had to know, I had to know that when I left he would be happy. 

His eyes met mine and he looked pained, “Please… can we not talk about her right now, I just want to be with you.” 

“Tell me Bryn.” I insisted and he sighed and rolled over so he laid on his back. 

He didn't look at me when he spoke, “My relationship with Vex has changed a lot. You taught me how to love someone properly, and I told myself when I lost you, that I would give Vex my all. I owed it to you to love her properly.” 

His words were like a knife, but I was happy that he had found peace. I looked away from him, guilty that I had disrupted that peace. 

“Don't be sad, love, I can't bear it.” He whispered, turning my face so I looked at him once more. 

“I'm so sorry, Bryn.” I choked out. 

Brynjolf sat up and pulled me close to his side. I rested my head on his shoulder and her rubbed his hand up and down my arm. 

“Why are you sorry?” He asked. 

“For coming back. For bringing turmoil into your life, I should have stayed gone, let Karliah take Mercer down alone.” 

“No! Don't say that!” He said, he grabbed my face and turned me to look at him in the eyes. 

“I have burned for you for two years, lass. I love you so much still. Please do not apologize for returning to my life, don't ever apologize for that.” I stared at him and wiped the tears that escaped away as I stood and grabbed my clothes. 

I dressed hastily as I spoke, “That is exactly what I mean, Bryn, you can't say things like that to me. Not anymore.” I tied the laces on my breeches and he stood and began to dress as well. 

“Why? It's the truth.” 

“It doesn't matter. You aren't mine anymore.” I said brokenly as I snapped the buckles on my blouse. 

Bryn stepped forward and stopped my movements, he took my hand and pressed it to his still bare chest. I could feel the slight rhythm of his heart under my fingers. 

“Do you feel that? That is yours, and it always will be, time or death cannot change that.” He said with conviction as he stared into my eyes, I had to look away from him. 

“I wish that were true, Bryn, but it can't be that way. You have a daughter, a daughter with Vex. I won't let you abandon them for me.” I said as I pulled on my boots. 

“I wouldn't have to abandon them, I would still make sure Vex was cared for, and Hilda will love you. I know it.” His voice was so hopeful, but I knew it could never be. 

“You want me to stay with you? And force Vex to watch the only man she's ever loved leave her for the second time? No… I won't do it to her.” I said with a shrug after I laced my boots.

Brynjolf searched my face, his eyes were afraid. “I won't let you leave.” He said darkly. 

“You don't have a choice.” I retorted sadly. 

\----

It was done. The Skeleton Key was returned and Nocturnal once again placed her favor on the Thieves Guild. I still wore the armor Karliah had given Brynjolf and I as I watched the Dark Lady disappear to the void. I turned to Karliah, she spoke with a Specter that I thought was perhaps Gallus. Not wanting to intrude on their moment I waited until he had disappeared and faced Karliah once more. She smiled warmly at me, and for the first time since I had known her, my friend looked at peace. 

“Well, dear friend, there's pockets ripe for the picking all over Skyrim. Shall we return to our Guild?” She asked softly. 

I shook my head, “I won't be going back with you.” I said in a sorrowful voice. 

Her smile fell, “Of course you will, the Guild is your home.” 

“I don't belong there anymore. You will always be my family, but I have to find my place now. I'm going to go on the road. See what all Skyrim has to offer, the past two years have been such a blur, I can't remember when I last did something for fun.” I said with a sad smile. 

“He still loves you, anyone could see it in the way he looks at you.” She said softly and I looked away, the thought of Brynjolf too much to bear. 

“Tell him I'm so sorry, but that I wish him nothing but happiness.” I croaked out. I stepped forward and hugged my friend tightly, I would miss her. 

“I'll keep in touch with you and Sapphire, so you know I'm safe.” I promised. 

“Dear girl, if you ever need anything, I'll be there always.” She vowed with just as much finality as the vow we had taken for Nocturnal. 

“I know.” I said simply as we released each other. 

I turned to leave but Karliah stopped me. 

“Here, take my bow, I'll feel better knowing you have it.” She said, handing me her gorgeous Nightingale Bow. I touched the engravings softly and looked at her. 

“Kar, I'm not even very good with a bow. You know knives are more my forte.” I said as I admired the bow. 

“Yes, but you'll be in the wild. You'll find it's much easier to take an elk down with a bow than a sword.” She said with a smirk and I thanked her as I strapped the bow to my back. 

“Nocturnal guide you sister.” She said as I left, I nodded at her, and made my departure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be kind


	6. Dragonborn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we get into this I just want to say that I am using Argis the Bulwark in this storyline. I've made a back story that you will find in due time. I understand he's not part of the Companions quest line (I would suspect that most of us have played that quest enough times to know every character by name and face) I simply like his character and wished to make him cross paths with Bretta. Since I'm not the biggest Markarth fan I decided to offer a twist to the beloved Companions story. 
> 
> Also, if it's that big of an issue for anyone I must ask... why are you reading FanFiction?
> 
> ONWARD READERS!
> 
> Ps. 
> 
> I don't own this, but I do own a pretty sweet vault boy scarf that I bought with my GameStop powerUp points. 
> 
> Be jealous.

I found my refuge in Whiterun. The place Hadvar had wanted me to go, and I had always refused. I hadn't wanted anything to do with those dragons, not after Helgen. The last three years of my life had changed me, dragons seemed trivial compared to the ordeals I had endured. 

This made me brave, but with bravery also comes blind stupidity. On my way into Whiterun Hold I encountered several warriors attacking a giant, three years ago I would have shielded myself and hid. Not anymore, I pulled back the bow Karliah had gifted me, I needed more practice anyhow. I closed one eye as I aimed and let the arrow soar, it landed right in the giant’s back. The great beast roared in pain and reached behind him to remove the arrow. He saw me standing there and advanced but I was already waiting. He tried to grab me with one big hand but I sliced it with my dagger, and then threw a giant fireball at the beast's face. He roared in pain again and I took the opportunity to hop on his back. The others had joined me in the fight and were slicing his legs, causing the giant to fall to his knees. I took my dagger and with all the strength I carried I plunged it into his skull from the stop and twisted brutally. He bellowed as he fell face down, and I rolled from his corpse as he fell. Breathing heavily I turned to the warriors, who all watched me with respectful smiles. 

“It takes someone of great bravery to run into a battle such as that one. You would be a good fit for the Companions.” One of the women spoke, her face was painted with Nord battle paint and her armor was very revealing. 

“The Companions?” I said dumbly as I wiped my blade off on the grass. 

“You've never heard of the Companions!” She said incredulously. 

“Forgive me, but I hail from High Rock.” I told her. 

“A Breton, I thought you might be an elf, the skill with a bow you possess is impressive.” I threw my head back as I laughed and she stared at me with a confused expression, I removed my hood before I spoke. 

“Forgive me once more, I only laughed because that was a very lucky shot. I am more skilled with spells and daggers you see. Archery is a very new thing.” She smiled at me and one of the men said goodbye to her as they left. He looked at me suspiciously, I returned his stare. 

The woman and I began to walk and she offered me a hand to shake. “I'm Aela, nice to meet you.” She said sincerely. 

“Bretta, and likewise.” 

“Things were getting pretty hairy back there before you helped. You should talk to Kodlak, see if you could join up.” She said nodded her head towards the city. 

“I don't know, I'm actually here to take a break from working.” I said and she chuckled. 

“Well at least come to Jorrvaskr and share a drink with us. We owe you for helping us.” She insisted and I smiled. 

“A drink sounds fine.” I agreed. 

We walked together into the city, she told me how to get to their hall and then we departed as I entered the Bannered Mare to rent a room. I felt happy as I entered the inn. I needed this break from life for a moment. I knew that in the end I would return to the College, it was the only place I really could call home now. Riften wasn't home anymore. My heart ached at the thought. I knew my leaving would hurt Brynjolf, but if I stayed it would only hurt everyone more in the long run. I had to force that part of my life to stay behind me. It was a chapter that I needed, but it was time to move on. To shape my future. 

\----

I stared in awe at the ancient Nord ship that had been transformed into a mead hall. Jorrvaskr was a sight to be hold for sure, the Companions must be an elite group to be sure. I removed my hood as I climbed the steps. Noise bombarded me as I came through he doors. It startled me at first. Silence was something I had become accustomed to. There were two women sparring in the corner, and drinks were flowing as people laughed and sang songs of legends past. I felt horribly out of place amongst all of the people, most of whom were Nords. 

“Bretta! My new friend! You made it!” Aela hugged me like we had known each other for years. I laughed as I returned the much taller woman's embrace. 

“I keep my word, and I said I would come.” I replied and she bowed dramatically. 

“Aye! A woman of battle skills AND honor!” She cheered and I looked around at the gathering crowd nervously. 

“Look, shield-brothers! Sisters! This is the woman I told you about! She took that giant down SINGLE HANDEDLY earlier today!” Aela bragged and I ducked my head, embarrassed from the attention. 

“You bestow too much credit, Aela. You and your partner's had just as much part in the slaying of the beast.” I said, nodding at the other woman who was there, and the two men. 

The one with lighter hair still stared at me curiously, and I still returned it. I was no longer intimidated by the stares of men. 

Aela chuckled at my modesty and handed me a mug of ale before holding her own in the air. 

“To Bretta!” She said, and the roomed chorused the cheers before we all drank. 

I took a large gulp and the stinging liquid made its way down to my belly I winced slightly. I hadn't had a drink in weeks. I hadn't stopped on my journey to Whiterun, and I needed to get word to Hadvar that I was alive… if he was even alive. That thought troubled me greatly. 

“Stay as long as you like, dear friend.” Aela said in my ear before walking over to plop down in a chair at the hall table. 

I observed the room as I drank more of the ale. It was truly a fine hall, filled with heroes to be sure. I thought of the Flagon, and the disdain people held when they thought of the Guild. I liked to think thieves like me were heroes in their own way… we just took our own spoils rather than waiting for a jarl to bestow them upon us. 

“I recognize your armor, are you still affiliated with the Guild?” A rough voice said behind me. 

I turned around to find the handsome blonde man that had watched me so curiously. He stared at me now with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“I don't know what you're talking about.” I said coyly as I sipped my ale. 

He glowered, “I am no fool, and I have dealt with your kind before. Keep your hands in your own pockets and we won't have a problem.” He threatened, I returned his glare and took a long sip of ale. 

“You don't intimidate me, nord, and if my hands were in your pockets; you wouldn't even know it.” I said in a low voice as I put my face closer to his. 

He watched me with a dark expression and I smirked at his glare, which only seemed to make him angrier. 

“The Companions are my family, I won't see them harmed by some cowardly thief.” He spat. 

“I have no intention of harming them, you on the other hand are really making my sword arm twitch.” I hissed. 

“Argis, are you troubling our new friend?” A voice said from my right. I turned to find a much older man watching me with wise eyes. 

“Kodlak this woman-”

“Saved not only your hide, but your shield-siblings too. She does not deserve your mistrust, when she offered her life in protection of four strangers.” He spoke evenly but kindly, he was not a man to disagree with. 

“Forgive me, Harbinger.” He said apologetically and bowed his head. He shot me a final glare before leaving me alone with the man I assumed was their leader. 

“You must forgive Argis, he comes from a very troubled background. He does not trust easily.” Kodlak said kindly. 

“He did not trouble me, it is nothing I have not heard before.” I said as I stared at the man in question. 

“Do you believe them?” He asked and I turned to him with a confused expression. 

“Believe what?” 

“What others perceive about you? Is that how you also see yourself?” He inquired, and I shrugged. 

“I am by definition a thief, and you know what they say ‘there's no honor amongst thieves.’” I said lightly and he cocked his head as he studied me. 

“No honor… yet you fought alongside people whom you'd never met, defended them.” He offered, and I felt embarrassed. 

“I just needed to practice my skill with a bow, and the opportunity presented itself.” I said with a shrug. 

He chuckled, “Your modesty is admirable, but the fact remains that you helped our own; and that is not something a Companion takes lightly. If you should wish a seat at our table, I offer you membership amongst us.” 

I stared at him, “You don't even know me.” I said. 

“I am very good at reading people, Bretta formerly of the Thieves Guild, and I stand by what I said. Think on it. Until then, you are welcome at Jorrvaskr as long as ale is flowing.” He nodded his head and immersed into the crowd. I watched him with a curious expression. 

What a strange man.

\----

My first couple of months in Whiterun were exactly what I needed them to be, calm. I spent my time speaking with the locals about their lives, even helping with a few tasks here and there. It felt normal, and it was something I had never had. I had gone from a pampered noble, to a penniless mage, to a love struck thief, and now I was in a city that I could see myself staying for a while. I thought after I lost my family at the Guild that I would never feel like I belonged again, I had been wrong, and I was content with the normalcy I had found here. 

“Morning Bretta, Adrianne says as I make my way out of the Bannered Mare.” I smiled at the Nord woman. 

“Morning, friend, you have any more swords that need delivering?” She returned my smile. 

“No, but I'll be sure to let you know.” I nodded and waved my goodbye as I left and headed for the city exit. 

I had taken up hunting as a pass time, and it was a way to earn coin as well. The local market bought up fresh meat, and I sold the hide of my kills to the various traders in the city. I had made more coin than I ever thought I could with the bow Karliah had gifted me, and I liked to think she would be proud that I was using it. 

Thoughts of Karliah brought thoughts of the Guild, which brought thoughts of… him. I shook my head, I couldn't let myself go down that route. He already haunted my dreams every night, day time was almost a relief to not see those green eyes beckoning me. 

“Mind if I join your hunt, friend?” A feminine voice asked in stride beside me and I jumped slightly. 

The Nord woman laughed and nudged me with her elbow. 

“You're lucky I'm not an assassin little Breton, or you'd be a dead woman.” Aela said as we walked through the gates of the city. 

“I was having unpleasant memories, I think an assassin would have been welcomed.” I said with a frown and I felt Aela’s worried glance. 

“You know, even though you stubbornly refuse to become a Companion, I still consider you a battle sister. We spilled blood together, and you can always count on me to have your back.” She said seriously. 

“I know that.” I said with a smile as we walked. 

“Have you thought more on the old man’s offer? He asks about you quite frequently.” I sighed. 

“I consider it very often, but I just don't want to commit to something like that again. I am trying my best to be normal here.” I said. 

We reached a small stream and we both removed our bows to sit on a log. I kicked a rock into the water and Aela sighed from beside me. 

“Bretta, I of all people understand how normal can be appealing. Some people are meant for that life, and others aren't. You and I, dear friend, aren't normal people. We've seen things, done things we aren't quite proud of. Normal people are never going to understand you the way that we do. Reconsider the offer again, I know you'd be happy at Jorrvaskr.” She pleaded with me and I pursed my lips as I stared at her. 

“I'll think on it… but don't expect much Aela.” I warned and she smiled. 

“That's all I ask, ready to take down some elk?” She asked as she stood, she offered me her hand and I took it and grabbed my bow as she pulled me to my feet. 

“Lead on… battle sister.” I said with a smirk. 

\----

“Wake up!” Some said desperately as they shook me. 

I looked into the eyes of Uthgerd and groaned. The woman was always after a rematch since I bested her in a brawl. She was a poor loser, but a fun drinking buddy. I rolled over as I shook her off. 

“Piss off, Uthgerd, I'm not in the mood.” I mumbled. 

“Get up, Orc brain! A dragon is attacking the city!” She said in a panicked voice. 

That got my attention. I sat up and stared at her, that's when I heard it, people were shouting and then the unmistakable sound came to me. The beastly roar that had haunted my dreams for years. They had been ravaging the countryside since their return, but none had attacked a city… not since Helgen. 

“The jarl demands every able-bodied fighter help, get dressed!” She turned to leave and I climbed from bed on shaky legs. 

Every instinct within me was saying hide, I couldn't face a beast like that again. I thought of the people here, the children I had played tag with, my friends that had welcomed me. I couldn't abandon them. I resolved myself to fight, even if I were to die. I wished I could say goodbye to Hadvar, he hadn't returned my letter and I feared the worse. If he were with me now as he was the first time I faced a beast such as this, maybe I would be braver. I shook my head and began putting my armor on hastily. I grabbed my sword that Adrianne had crafted special for me, and my bow. 

Then I walked out into the madness. 

People were dead, I saw the bodies, but I couldn't bring myself to look on their faces. I had to remain focused. 

“Bretta! The beast attacks Dragonsreach! We have to defend the jarl!” It was Aela. I followed her through the streets and stopped when I finally saw it. 

The great beast was perched on top of Dragonsreach, spewing ice at the guards below. Terror gripped me but I pulled out my bow and aimed for the monsters head. It roared in pain as an arrow pierced its hide, it turned its gaze to me and it was as if it could see into my very soul. 

“Die! Dragonborn!” It bellowed and I gasped. 

“It spoke!” I shouted, appalled. 

“What are you on about? Keep shooting it!” Aela shouted at me and I looked to her in shock, had she not heard it?

The beast flapped its wings and the wind knocked both Aela and I backwards. Another gust of ice barely missed us but froze several guards in front. A rush of grey caught my eye and I saw Argis rushing up the stairs to be closer to the winged creature. He stabbed one leg and the beast roared in anger before slamming Argis with its head, the man fell hard down the stairs and lay there unconscious. 

“Argis!” Aela shouted in fear, the creature had began to walk towards him. 

I acted before thinking, a common habit of mine now. I shouted a battle cry as I rushed forward. I stood over Argis just as the dragon hit us with another wave of its ice. I mustered all the magic I had in my body and held up my hands as the fire exploded from my hands. It clashed with the ice in a deadly sound but I could not waver. I shouted in pain as the pressure of the ice bared down upon me. Argis still lay motionless below me, and Aela quickly rushed forward to pull him to refuge. I felt my magic wavering and I nearly collapsed as the tirade of ice stopped and I let my fire recend. I could not stop now, I pulled my sword from the sheath and dodged a clap of the dragon's mouth. Using the creature's leg as a springboard I bounded forward with all my strength and pushed myself so I was atop the dragon's head. It slung its head wildly trying to dismantle me but I held tight just as I had to the giant that day. I stabbed at the creature's head, weakening it, the guards and Companions took the opportunity to help me finish the beast off. With a roar of agony he fell still and I rolled off of his head as he collapsed. I fell to my knees in exhaustion as my chest heaved from the extortion. Then something strange happened. 

Light exploded from the beast in a way that could only be described as ancient magic. The light flowed from the dragon and then came to me, it swirled around me and I stood slowly and held out my hands. It was unlike any magic I had ever experienced. It wrapped around me like a warm embrace and then settled itself deep in my chest. Then everything fell silent. 

What had just happened?

“I can't believe it… you're… you're Dragonborn.” The awestruck voice of Aela came. 

I turned around slowly and noticed that all of Whiterun stared at me in awe. One guard even knelt before me like I was royalty. 

“Dragonborn?” I said. 

“You have the blood of the dragon, you can… suck out their souls… that's what you did right? You sucked out it's very soul.” Farkas said dumbly and I shook my head as I looked to my hands. 

“I have no idea what that was.” I was afraid then, afraid of what this meant. I turned and stared at the skeleton of the beast. It was as if it had laid dead for years. How strange. 

“You there, you need to come with me. The jarl will want to learn of this.” I looked to see a dark elf staring at me with intense eyes. I looked over my shoulder to Aela, she was knelt tending to Argis and she nodded at me encouragingly. 

“I will wait for you, and make sure he is okay.” She vowed and I turned again to the elf woman and nodded as she led me up the steps to Dragonsreach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be kind.


	7. Stubborn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah! Long time no post, I apologize. I ran into a bit of a block with this story for a while, but alas, I powered through. 
> 
> Sorry for the short chapter! Hopefully I’ll have another up by tomorrow!

My legs shook as I followed the dark elf, Irileth I now recognized, towards the throne where a tall blonde nord man stood pacing. When he caught sight of us he rushed forward. 

“Talos guide me! It sounded like the world was ending!” He said as he stepped towards us. 

“The beast is slain Jarl Balgruuf, and we have this woman to thank.” Irileth said as she stepped to my side so that I was in view. 

The Jarl summed me up and narrowed his eyes at me. 

“You have saved the people of my hold, and I thank you.” He said finally with a respectful bow of his head. 

“That is not all, my jarl, this woman is Dragonborn.” Irileth said, awe in her voice. The man’s eyes widened. 

“Dragonborn you say?” He stared at me again. “A Breton?” He said incredulous. 

Irileth nodded. “I saw her suck out the creature's soul with my own eyes.” 

Jarl Balgruuf looked to me again, new appreciation in his eyes. “Then these are the end times.” He said softly as he looked away from us. 

“My jarl, the legend says-”

“I know very well what it says!” He exclaimed as he turned to us once more, I flinched slightly at his expression. Irileth looked reprimanded and apologized. 

“Forgive me, Irileth, I let my emotions control me.” He said softly as he sat slowly into his throne. 

Suddenly the entire building shook as loud shouts fell around us. Everyone exclaimed in horror but I heard the words clear as day. 

‘Come Dragonborn.’

Then silence. 

“It was the Greybeards!” The Jarl’s Steward exclaimed. 

All eyes were on me at once. “They have summoned me.” I said with a shaky voice. 

“You must go.” Jarl Bulgruuf said with a nod. 

“I must.” I agreed, I felt as if I was in shock. I turned to leave but the Jarl spoke. 

“Dragonborn?” He called, I flinched and turned to stare at him. 

“My name is Bretta Hearthwing.” I said in a low voice, he blinked as if my disrespectful tone surprised him but it soon melted into a smile of respect. 

“Miss Hearthwing… before you go, for the service you have done for my city, I am making you Thane of Whiterun, if you wish to buy a home here speak with Preventus.” He gestured to his steward who gave me a respectful bow of his head. 

I didn’t even respond. I walked slowly back to the entrance and out the doors. The morning sun was coming over the horizon and I squinted. I looked down the ledge and saw the people had already started trying to repair the destruction. Bodies of the lost were lined together and my heart broke. I walked slowly down the steps, my eyes never leaving the prone forms. 

I nearly stumbled when I noticed a familiar man crouched over one of the bodies, his muscular body shook as he cried. Oh no…

“Ulfberth…” I whispered and he looked to me, that’s when I saw Adrianne’s pretty face, her eyes were open to the sky, but the life there was long gone. 

I swallowed back a sob. The Imperial woman was one of my first friends when I came here. She had invited me over for dinner nearly every night and we shared stories of our lives. She was brash, but kind, and she loved her friends and family deeply. 

“That beast picked her up and slung her like a cat with a mouse.” He choked out. “I couldn’t save her.” He said as he bowed his head. I stepped towards him and rested a hand on his shoulder as he sobbed. 

I stared at the face of my friend, and an anger took ahold of me. I had ran from these monsters for far too long, if I had come here sooner maybe Adrianne would still be alive. I did not know why the winged animals had returned to Skyrim, or why the gods had made me Dragonborn, but I would stop this madness. 

Or die trying. 

———

“Absolutely not!” I shouted as I stood from the table at Jorrvaskr. 

Kodlak sighed at my outburst. 

“Please, Bretta, be reasonable.” He pleaded and I felt slightly guilty for shouting. Kodlak had been nothing but welcoming to me, even as I actively refused the membership he offered. 

“Kodlak…” I said and lowered my voice as I looked at Argis who was leaning against the wall with his usual glare. “Argis doesn’t even like me.” I said and Kodlak laughed. 

“It was his idea!” He said with a grin and my eyes bulged. 

Argis blinked at me as I whirled on him. His face was bruised from his tango with the dragon a week ago, but he had lived, stubborn man was too proud to die. 

“Why?” I asked suspiciously. 

Argis rolled his eyes and uncrossed his arms as he looked at me. “Believe me, little Breton, I no more wish to be in your presence than you do in mine. However…” he said with a hand as I opened my mouth to snark back. “You saved my life, and by Nordic customs, I owe you a debt of honor. I will go with you to the Throat of the World and aid you in your journey.” He said as if it was all very simple. 

“Well I release you from your debt.” I said with a shrug. 

“The debt is only gone when I in turn save your life. Perhaps we will only travel for a few days, you’re a small lass, I’m sure you’ll get hurt somehow.” He smirked and I growled lowly as I stepped forward with my fists clenched. 

“Now now, pups.” Kodlak said, he was standing now and he placed a hand on my shoulder. I didn’t take my eyes off of Argis’s infuriating smirk. 

“Bretta, it would give an old man peace if you weren’t alone.” Kodlak said and I turned to him, my face softened. 

“Kodlak, I’ve been on my own for a very long time.” I said but I knew he would get his way. 

“Yes, and I do not doubt your resilience. You may not see yourself as a Companion, but I do, and we are a family. We look after our own, so will you please not fight Argis on this?” He pleaded and I stared at him, then shot another glare at Argis before throwing my hands up. 

“Fine!” I said exasperated and Kodlak chuckled happily. 

“Just stay out of my way… nord.” I spat and Argis snorted. 

“Not a problem, thief.” He replied. 

This journey would be a long one.


	8. Hurt

For two days Argis and I scarcely spoke to one another. 

We rode, and when one of us needed to stop we would stop. Then we would ride until the night sky grew very dark, then we would either make camp or find and inn. 

I didn’t understand him. He was irritated by my presence, that much I could tell. He thought I was some common thief who he now owed a debt. Nords were curious people, there wasn’t one amongst them that was not stubborn. The silence from my unfriendly companion did not bother me. I was still trying to wrap my head around everything that had happened to me. 

My father had only ever spoken fondly of me when he bragged to his friends of my magical abilities. Tolfdir had favored me, said I was unusually gifted for such a young mage. I had stopped the ice of that dragon. Is this why my magic had developed so early and deeply? Was this what I was meant to be? Dragonborn? It didn’t make sense, I wasn’t even a nord. I had been drawn to the lands of Skyrim though, was it just the college that had called me?

“Bretta!” Argis shouted pulling me from my thoughts. I looked up to see he had stopped ahead of me and was staring at me with an exasperated expression.

He motioned his head to the sign. 

“We should go through the Rift, it’s safer and faster.” He said and began walking his horse. I rode ahead in front of him, my eyes wide. 

“We will not go through the Rift.” I said heatedly, there was a chance Brynjolf would be close, and my heart couldn’t take that, not with the task I had at hand. 

Argis glared. 

“Are you daft? If we go around the other way it will add a week to our journey!” He shouted and I glared right back. 

“So be it.” I said simply and walked my horse down the other path. 

“Stubborn ox of a woman…” I heard him muttering under his breath. 

I only smirked. 

———

Argis and I stopped in a small village a day later to allow our horses to rest. We rented rooms at the local inn and I told him I needed to buy more arrows, he said he could use some as well and decided to walk with me. He didn’t speak, and neither did I. It had become routine for us. 

Along the way a beggar rushed to us, pleading for coin. Argis stepped between me and the man and told him we didn’t have coin to spare. I touched Argis on the shoulder lightly and stepped around him, I pulled my hood away and offered the man a friendly smile. 

“I can spare something.” I said and reached into one of the hidden pockets of my armor. I pulled out a perfect garnet I had picked up from a snooty noble in Solitude.

I touched the man’s hand and placed the gem in his palm. He looked to me with wide eyes. 

“My lady, you are too kind.” He said as he put the gem in his pocket and kissed my hands. 

“Buy yourself a room at the inn and get a warm rest, these winters are unforgiving.” I said softly as I squeezed his hands. 

“I will do that mam, divines bless you!” The man said with watery eyes before walking in the direction Argis and I had come from. 

I sighed and began walking towards the hunter’s shop again. I felt Argis looking at me as we walked, I looked sideways at him and noticed he was not glaring at me, but he instead wore a very confused expression. 

“What?” I said in an annoyed voice. He coughed and looked forward. 

“Nothing.” 

———

A couple of days later we had made camp off the road, I hoped we would make it to Ivarstead the following day. There was a nearby stream and we had managed to catch a couple of fish for supper. They were currently cooking and I sat back and watched the flames, my mind troubled. 

“I feel as if I owe you an apology.” Argis said suddenly. I was startled and looked to him, he was sitting on a log across from me. His expression was unreadable. 

“For?” I prodded, he sighed. 

“I misjudged you, I made an opinion without getting to know you. I’m sorry.” He grumbled out. 

“So your opinion has changed then?” He chuckled dryly and looked away for a moment. 

He turned to me with those odd eyes of his. One was brown and one was ice blue. He seemed almost nervous. 

“You are very kind.” He said evenly and I chuckled slightly. 

“Thieves aren’t kind.” I replied and looked away from his eyes. 

“You are kind.” He said again with more conviction. I looked to him and shrugged a shoulder. 

“You gave that man that gem. I saw it, it was worth at least seven hundred coin.” He said. 

“The man needed a good meal.” I said as I stood to poke the fish. 

“Why do you care?” He countered and I took a deep breath. 

“If I don’t care, then who will?” I asked softly. 

We were silent for a while. I decided the fish was ready. I took them from the heat and handed Argis the stick with his on it. He touched my arm softly and I met his eyes once more as he looked up at me from his place on the log. 

“I apologize for misjudging you.” He said and I sighed. 

“You still don’t know me, I could be a good actress, making you believe what I want.” I replied as I walked back to my spot by the fire and took a big bite from my fish. 

“Perhaps… but I don’t think that’s true.” He said with a shrug as he took a bite of his meal. 

I watched him for a long time, he ignored me but I felt a shift in our dynamic, where before there had been awkward hostility, there was now a strange kinship. I sensed that Argis had his own shadows he ran from, and this is what made him so cautious. He and I were more alike than I had thought. I smiled to myself as I finished eating my fish. When I stood to go to my tent I turned to him. 

“I forgive you.” I said, and then ducked inside my tent. 

———

We reached Ivarstead the following evening and the mountain I was meant to climb towered over the small village. We agreed to sleep in the local inn for the night and then wake up to walk the steps the next morning. My stomach grew nervous at what awaited me at the top of the mountain. The Greybeards called me, but what would they ask of me? I had felt this odd power within me ever since the dragon soul found its way into my chest. I always felt my magic humming, but this was something different… something old. 

The people of Ivarstead were friendlier than a lot of nords I had met. They asked me what had drawn me to the steps, Argis and I had shared a looked and simply told them we had always wished to climb them. 

We were sitting in the crowded mead hall having supper. The people were dancing and laughing, the happy atmosphere lifted my spirits a lot and I found myself clapping along with the music. Argis even smiled slightly as we watched the women twirl around each other. Eventually a pretty blonde nord came to our table, her face was flush with happiness and she eyed Argis with hungry eyes. 

“Can I have a dance with your man?” She asked me and my eyes bulged as I looked to Argis, who was as red as a tomato. 

“Oh no, we… He and I aren’t… we aren’t together.” I stuttered out, my face was flaming. 

The woman chuckled happily and clapped her hands together. “Even better!” She crowed and grabbed Argis by the hands to pull him with her, despite his protests. 

I laughed a loud belly laugh as she pulled Argis through the steps. He kept shooting me glances that screamed for help but this only made me laugh harder. The song finally ended and I wiped tears from my eyes as Argis came to sit beside me again. The look on his face made my laughing fit start all over, he tried to look annoyed but I could see the smirk playing on his lips. 

“Perhaps you can dance to this song at your wedding?” I offered and he glared, I laughed. 

“Oh oh! I know! You can sing it as a lullaby to your future children!” I crowed and Argis rolled his eyes as he took a sip of ale. 

“You aren’t funny.” He replied and I laughed loudly again. 

“Oh, my friend, if you could have only seen your face. I’ve seen trolls with more grace!” Argis widened his eyes and sat his cup down. 

“Is that so?” He said with a challenge in his eye. 

“Yes.” I said as I chuckled to myself. 

“You think you could do better?” He retorted. 

“I was raised prancing around a dance floor, I know I could do better.” I said with a big gulp of ale. 

“Prove it.” He challenged and I looked at him. I took another drink of ale and narrowed my eyes. 

“Fine.” I replied and stood, I pulled my hood free and through it at him, he caught it with a chuckle and I marched to the dance floor. 

“Do you know the Call of the Manmeri, good sir?” I asked the bard. He was Breton himself, so I knew he did, he only smiled with a nod and the familiar chords rang through my ears. 

I turned to face Argis, he was smiling a real smile and I unbuttoned my cloak and tossed it to the side, a barmaid caught it with a whistle and I chuckled to myself. I placed myself in the waiting position and when the right chord hit I began my dance. I reached my hands high and spun as my feet did the familiar steps that I had learned when I was only a child. The people of the inn began to clap and I continued the dance. It was a graceful dance that young women did at their coming out parties in High Rock. My hair was flying all around me and I laughed as I danced. The music grew faster and my feet moved in time with the rhythm. Faster and faster the music went and I spun again and again, then the music stopped abruptly and so did I, my chest heaved from exertion and everyone in the hall applauded me. I laughed and took a bow as they cheered, I took my cloak back from the girl and thanked her before making my way back to Argis. He was staring at me with an unreadable expression. I smirked at him. 

“You are full of surprises, Bretta Hearthwing.” He said with a smile. 

“That’s what they tell me” I replied as I sipped my ale. 

———

The next day I was awakened with Argis shaking me. 

“Come on, Bretta, we’ve slept too long.” He said, I opened one eye. He was already fully dressed. 

“Just a bit longer.” I said as I rolled over. I heard him sigh. 

“If we don’t leave now, we won’t make it to the top before dark.” 

I sat up quickly and looked out my window. The sun was way too high in the sky. I leapt from the bed and started to pull my boots on, I hadn’t even taken my armor off the night before. I felt very stiff. Argis was chuckling and I glared up at him. 

“What?” I spat, he only smiled. 

“Is Nordic ale a bit too harsh for the wee Breton?” He said and I snarled my nose. 

“Piss off.” I responded as I stood and grabbed my pack. 

He followed me out the door guffawing. 

———

The first several hundred steps were a nightmare for me. My head was throbbing and I had to stop to become ill twice. Argis only mocked me more with the greener I became. Annoying man. 

“So where did you learn to dance so well?” Argis asked. I looked to him, my stomach had finally settled. 

“I could ask you the same.” I said with a smirk, he rolled his eyes and I sighed. 

“I am from a noble family in High Rock… dance is something all young Breton girls must learn.” I said with a shrug. 

Argis whistled. “A noble? Never took you for a noble.” He responded. 

“Should I thank you, or be offended?” I said with a smile. 

“No offense intended, it’s just nobles are usually…” He trailed off so I finished for him. 

“Entitled, obnoxious, and frilly?” I asked. 

“Pretty much.” He said and I laughed. 

“I didn’t want that life.” I offered, he nodded. 

“Why?”

“My father expected me to be someone I’m not, when I wouldn’t be his little doll to play as he wanted, he disowned me.” I thought of my family, it had been a long time. I traveled so often that I hadn’t received a letter from my brothers in years, they probably thought me dead. 

“I am sorry.” Argis said sincerely and I smiled at him. 

“Don’t be, I would rather be living as a thief than married to a man I did not choose.” I said seriously. 

Argis did not respond, but he nodded as if he understood. We walked in silence again for a while. 

“I had a wife.” He said suddenly and I looked at him sharply. He had never divulged such serious information before. 

“Had?” 

“She was killed.” He said, he did not look at me, just kept walking. 

“How?” I asked carefully. 

“Markarth is a twisted city, built on blood and silver.” His jaw clenched. 

“I loved my home, protected it proudly. A few years ago the Forsworn attacked, I have heard stories of these men my entire life. My wife’s father was one of them, but her mother had brought her to the city to try and start a better life. My wife was very vocal in her words about them, she said they had been falsely painted as the aggressors. I was a captain of the jarls guard, for her to speak against his family so openly put me in a tense position. When they managed to infiltrate the city and break several of their own out of the mines, the city was torn. The guards came to my door and accused my wife of conspiring against the Jarl.” He stopped for a moment, I could see on his face that it pained him to speak of it. 

“They held me back and I had to watch as they killed her in our home.” He said in a low voice. 

“Argis…” I said, but he kept speaking. 

“A bitter hate grew inside me, I left the guard, I left that twisted city. I was a vagabond when Kodlak recruited me into the Companions. I had a purpose again, and I will always be grateful to the old man.” He said. 

“I’m so sorry.” I said softly, it all made sense now. Why he did not trust so easily. He had been betrayed by the very order he served. They had taken the most precious thing from him. 

“That city will fall eventually… and I will dance on its ashes.” He said in a deadly voice. 

I had no response to that.


	9. The Heart Chooses

I sat at the head of the table as Ulfric Stormcloak stormed angrily from the meeting room with a begrudging agreement to hold his attacks. I did not feel remorse for the man, for to me, all the troubles laid upon his plate had been welcomed by no one but himself. 

Everyone else dispersed. I made eye contact with Argis who nodded encouragingly from the shadows. He had become a rock to me in the past months since this madness began. After the Greybeards had trained me in my new power of the voice, I had set out once more to prove myself. Only to have my way crossed by Delphine, my fellow Breton told me of the Blades, she had been a great help to me. Argis had been there at every step, when Delphine implored me to seek out Esbern in the rataway, he sensed my dismay. I broke down and told him everything of Brynjolf and I, he listened with understanding eyes and told Delphine he would find Esbern. He quickly became one of the truest friends I had ever had, fiercely loyal and protective, I would not have made it this far without him. 

I was making my way to him when a voice spoke my name. A voice I had not heard in years, I turned to see Hadvar removing his helmet with an awestruck expression. I gasped happily and flung myself into his arms. 

“Oh my friend! I thought you were dead!” I cried as I pulled away from our embrace. 

“And I you!” He said and we both laughed happily. 

“My dear little Bee, you are the Dragonborn?” He said as if he scarcely believed it. 

“It takes some getting used to.” I said with a sigh. Hadvar looked around us. 

“Where is your man, Brynjolf, I assume he is nearby?” He said and my heart did the same painful twinge it always did when his name was spoke. 

“He is in Riften… with his wife.” I said quietly and Hadvar’s eyes bulged. 

“Of all the pig headed, troll humping-“ I held up a hand. 

“I have made peace with it, dear friend.” I didn’t believe the words, but I was trying. 

I led Hadvar to where Argis stood with his normal stoic expression. 

“Hadvar, this is Argis… a very dear friend to me. Argis, this is Hadvar… also a very dear friend.” Hadvar smiled and shook Argis’s offered hand. 

“You’ve been keeping this one alive then?” Hadvar asked with a mischievous smile. Argis chuckled. 

“I do my best, but she makes it rather difficult sometimes.” He leaned into Hadvar as he spoke, as if they were old friends. Hadvar guffawed and slapped Argis on the back. 

“Oh, believe me friend, I know that to be true.” Hadvar chortled and I crossed my arms as I glared at the men. 

“You know, I learned a fire shout the other day and I’ve been itching to give it a try.” I threatened. 

“I’m only teasing you, wee Breton.” Argis said as he thumped my nose and I smiled at him. I linked my arms through theirs and began walking us from the meeting room. 

“I say we head down to the village and have a lot of ale before I have to take on the bloody World Eater.” I joked, they were both silent. Argis was worried, I knew he was, but I was trying to stay positive. 

“Dragonborn?” The voice of Delphine called. I sighed, she refused to call me by my name and it annoyed me to no end. 

“Yes?” I said, she looked to the two men standing behind me. 

“I need to speak with you… alone.” She looked to the men, who hadn’t budged. I turned to them and smiled. 

“I’ll meet you both out front.” I said, they both nodded and left us, I saw a friendship blooming there. 

Once they were gone Delphine turned to me with a serious expression. 

“It has come to my knowledge that the leader of the Greybeards, Paarthurnax, is in fact a dragon?” She said with her arms crossed, Delphine had a way of always making me feel like a reprimanded child. 

“How did you find out?” I asked lowly. 

“Better yet, how could you not tell us?” She hissed and I turned from her. 

“It was not my information to divulge.” I replied as I stared at the stone walls. 

“The Blades serve no dragon.” She said heatedly and I turned to glare at her. 

“He is no monster, without him we would not have made it this far.” I spat. 

“He is of the very same who enslaved our people for centuries!” She shouted. 

“He’s not like them.” I defended and Delphine looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time. 

“If you do not slay the beast, you can expect no more help from us.” She said and I balked. 

“Are you mad?” I said incredulous. 

“The monster cannot be trusted, if you’re to be a Blade you must know this.” She was serious. 

I glared at her as I stepped forward. She never blinked and neither did I. 

“Fuck you, and your Blades, I’ll do this on my own.” I said in a deadly voice before leaving her alone in the corridor. 

———

I was quiet as my trio began our trek down the steps. Neither of them bothered me, and I was thankful to have two friends like them. I was thankful the war had not taken Hadvar like I feared. I was sure I would fall into Oblivion if not for my support system. 

A fellow Imperial soldier called out to Hadvar, he gave me a quick hug before promising to meet us at the inn before he jogged ahead of us. I pulled my cloak tighter around my shoulders, the winter air was giving me a chill, and the end of my friendship with Delphine did not help. 

“What troubles you, Bretta?” Argis finally said and I glanced to my companion. I sighed and my breath puffed out in front of me. 

“The Blades have withdrawn their help… and their friendship.” I said evenly. 

“But why?” Argis sounded surprised. 

“She asked me to slay Paarthurnax.” I murmured. 

“Is she insane?” He said incredulous. I shrugged a shoulder. 

“She has held a hate in her heart for a very long time… it has become a part of her. When something dark and ugly is allowed to grow so large in your heart, you do not let go of it easily.” I said. 

Argis was quiet for a moment. “You can do this without them.” He said heatedly. I stopped our walk to stand at one of the alters. The view was breathtaking, and I smiled fondly at the land I felt was my home. 

“I wasn’t sure I could do it WITH them, and now we are an ally short, an ally that would have proven very helpful in the days to come.” I said as I surveyed the landscape. Argis came to stand beside me. 

“Bretta, you surprise everyone you meet, and I have faith that you will surprise yourself.” He said and I offered him a small smile. 

“You give me too much credit.” 

“You do not give yourself enough.” He stared into my eyes with conviction and I flushed from his gaze. 

“You will not leave me, will you?” I whispered, Argis touched my chin with his thumb and smiled. 

“I will stay by your side until you order me away.” He swore and I leaned my head on his shoulder as we looked at the view below us. 

———

Fire was everywhere, Paarthurnax was shouting and Alduin’s voice carried his deadly blows. I dodge the flames as best I could but they were starting to surround me. I looked to see Argis shooting arrow after arrow to the sky. Alduin swooped suddenly and grabbed my friend.

“No!” I cried, Argis looked me right in the eyes before Alduin dropped him from a deadly height. 

I screamed his name, I was shaking. Someone was saying my name. 

I gasped as my eyes opened to Argis sitting on my bed, safe, in Whiterun. I gasped for air and touched his arm, to affirm that he was indeed here. He touched my forehead softly. 

“You were having a nightmare, lass.” He said softly. 

“It’s the same one I’ve been having since the battle on the mountain.” I murmured as I scooted back to rest my head on the backboard. I did not let go of Argis’s arm. 

“Of my death, you mean?” He implored and I winced but nodded. 

“If you’ve forgotten, Bretta, I am a very strong man. I shall not be killed so easily.” He said, he held my hand in his own. 

“This is no mere dragon we are pursuing, Argis, this is a dragon who is meant to end the very world. What if these dreams are a warning?” I said in a choked voice. 

“These dreams are nothing more than your fears manifesting, that’s it.” He comforted. 

“I can’t lose anyone else.” I whispered, my right hand toyed with the blanket. Argis touched my chin to make me look at him. 

“I’m not going anywhere, and I won’t see you ride that dragon to bloody Sovngarde alone.” His voice was steady and true, but the fear of anything happening to him sent pains to my belly. 

I stared into his eyes, he had been so good to me, better than I deserved. His presence in my life had chased away many of the shadows that lingered in my world. He understood me, my heart, he listened to my worries without judgment. He was so dear a friend to me. 

I don’t know what came over me, but I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. He did not move, so I deepened the kiss just a bit as I touched his jaw. He seemed to be holding something back, but after only a few seconds he broke and he held tight to the back of my neck as he returned the kiss fully. I situated myself better and wrapped my arms around his neck as we kissed. He ran his hand down my back softly and pulled me tighter to him. I sighed softly and kissed my way down his neck to the bit of chest that was exposed in his under shirt. Argis grabbed me by my arms suddenly and pushed me back to the opposite side of the bed. 

I sat there with wide eyes as he cursed and stood with his back to me, he held one hand to the back of his neck and the other thumped against his leg nervously. 

“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, shame covering me from head to toe.

Argis sighed and put his hands on his hips and hung his head. 

“Do you just not want me… in that way?” I whispered. 

Argis laughed loudly without humor, and my cheeks flamed. He turned to stare at me with those intense eyes. 

“There is no lack of wanting you, Bretta.” He said sternly and I still didn’t know what I was supposed to do. He smiled softly and sat slowly beside me again. I felt ashamed of myself, what he must think of me.

“What is it then?” I asked softly. 

Argis stared at me for a long moment before he answered. 

“Are you still in love with the thief from Riften?” He asked and I blanched, my heart twinged painfully at the thought of Brynjolf, as it always did. I looked down at my lap. 

“That is why.” Argis said simply and I looked to him again. His eyes were pained. 

“I am in love with you, Bretta.” He said, and I gasped softly. He continued. 

“I am in love with you and you love another man. I will not take you to bed when your heart is already given away. It would be no simple tumble for me, it would mean something deep, something that would change everything.” 

“I do love you, Argis.” I said with a choked sigh. He smiled and touched my face. 

“I know you do, but love for a friend, and love for another person's very soul is different.” 

“Sometimes I hate him.” I spat, I hated that he still had such a hold on me. I hated that I felt I would never truly be happy because I had lost him. 

“Sometimes your heart has a mind of its own, the head usually disagrees.” He said and I chuckled softly. 

“I’m sorry if I have made this uncomfortable for you.” I said. 

“Do not worry, wee Breton, I’ve spent many a drunken nights in Jorrvaskr, my tolerance for uncomfortable is very high.” He said and I chuckled, I leaned in to hug him to me tightly. 

“If my heart would let me choose now, I would choose you.” I murmured into his shirt. He ran his hand through my hair and sighed. 

“You need rest… tomorrow we take flight.” 

———

For the first couple of months after Alduin was defeated, my life was quite the blur. Everyone wanted to have me sit at their table, everyone wanted to take a piece of me. It was tiring and it reminded me far too much of life in High Rock. Argis stayed with me, every step of the way. 

Things died down, as they always do, and soon there were other concerns to speak of and I was slowly able to fall back into my version of a normal life. With the war back fully on, the toasts to the Dragonborn soon turned to plans of attack once more. Argis and I returned to Whiterun, where the Jarl gifted me with a home, a true home to call mine, and a housecarl who I was fairly certain hated me. Argis returned to the Companions, and I resumed my daily life as I had before the madness of the Dragonborn started. Everyone in Whiterun knew my name, but they new me before, when I was no one and I found I was very happy they still treated me as a human, not a god. 

———

It was on a normal day that things changed again. I had received a letter from the Jarl that there was a guest at Dragonsreach who wished to see me. I changed from my Thieves Guild armor that looked a little worse for wear now, and into a long blue gown that Maven Blackbriar had sent me, she had also sent a note that wearing the armor of the guild when so many eyes were on me brought too much attention. It was on special occasions that I pulled the dress out, so to not cause trouble for my old friends. 

I brushed out my hair and pulled a few pieces back from my face. With a sigh I stepped out onto the street, Belethor was walking by and he whistled lowly, I blushed. 

“I do not want to hear a word.” I said in a deadly voice. 

“I didn’t intended to speak, my lady.” He made a great deal of bowing and I rolled my eyes at him, but smiled as I started my walk towards Dragonsreach. 

I was greeted at the door by the Jarl’s Steward who led me up the stairs to the throne room. I stopped walking when my eyes saw who stood waiting for me with Balgruuf. 

My father.


	10. Moving On

“Bretta! My darling girl!” My father said in his most charming voice. 

I felt like I might pass out as he came forward to hug me stiffly and kiss my forehead. The last time I had seen him he had spat at my feet and said as far as he was concerned he no longer had a daughter. 

“Father, what are you doing here?” I murmured as I stepped away from him. He smiled brightly as we walked to stand with Balgruuf. 

“Why I came to see my only daughter of course! My daughter, the Dragonborn! Everyone back home is absolutely green with envy that House Hearthwing produced such a lady!” He spoke, and it made me ill to hear his words. He still saw me as a pawn. 

“Is mother with you?” I asked, the thought of seeing her made me happy, even if I knew my father had ulterior motives. 

His smile became tight. “She stayed home, Igor is recently become a father, she does not like to leave her grandson.” My head ached, my favorite brother was married. I had missed it all. 

“Your father wrote to me and asked if Dragonsreach would house him, but I thought you might wish him to stay with you?” Balgruuf said, he watched me with careful eyes, he sensed my distress. 

“I think the palace better suits my father's tastes.” I said with a clenched jaw. 

“Shall we dine?” Father said and we walked to the table. 

———

My father spoke to the people at the table as he did everyone. He had them all enraptured, he was very good at playing the game of court. I myself was even fooled at one time. I watched him like a hawk as I sipped my wine. He wanted something from me, and that was very dangerous indeed. 

After dinner he asked if I would walk him around the city to show him the place I called home. I agreed and waited for the ball to drop. 

“I was most surprised to find you were not in Winterhold with your precious college. I assume you’re allowing your talents to waste?” There was the tone I was used to. I smiled without humor and fingered a flame instantly, let it dance over each of my fingers before letting it die. 

“No need to show off.” He said with a sniff as we walked. 

“My talents are better tuned than ever, I assure you… Father.” I spat the word. 

“I assume you still keep mother from me to punish me?” I countered. 

“She is weakened by her emotions, she did not need to make this journey.” He said evasively. 

“Why did you come?” I asked and stopped walking. He turned to look at me and I crossed my arms. 

“Oh don’t be so hostile, Bretta, it is very unbecoming.” He snarled and I glared. 

“What. Do. You. Want.” I said between clenched teeth. 

He narrowed his eyes at me, I was not the same broken-hearted girl he had cast out. I would not let him bully me again. 

“I want you to return to High Rock with me, and marry the son of another noble. You’re the savior of Skyrim, do you understand the pull this would give me?” He implored, and there it was, just as I had suspected. 

“I really don’t give a flying fuck about your pull, you can take your betrothal and shove it up your ass as far as I’m concerned.” His eyes bulged at my language and I bumped his shoulder as I passed him to head home. 

“Your mother is dying, Bretta.” He called after me. I stopped walking and turned to stare at him with wide eyes. His face was completely stoic. 

“What did you say?” I asked in a choked voice. 

“It’s the blood sickness, it has taken ahold of her. The healers say she withers with each passing day. Last month they said to not expect her to make it past First Day.” I stepped back like he’d slapped me. My mother, who loved me more than anything. I hadn’t seen her in years, shame took me. 

“So you see, by agreeing to my conditions, you would get to see your mother in her final days. Surely that is incentive enough to spark your compliance?” He said and I gaped at him. 

“You’re blackmailing me into marrying a man of your choosing?” I said with wide eyes. He waved me off. 

“Don’t be so dramatic, I am merely giving us both something we want. You marry the man, and you see your mother again.” 

“You’re asking me to give up any chance of happiness I have.” 

“You’ve always had such ideas in your head, Bretta, this is not how the world works.” I shook my head and walked away from him. 

“I will be here for three days, think on what I have told you.” He called and I didn’t acknowledge him. I walked in the direction of Jorrvaskr, I needed to see Argis.

———

Farkas and Vilkas tried to tease me over my gown but when they saw the look in my eyes when I asked for Argis their jokes died and they said he was in his room. I stumbled down the stairs and through the hallway, to the right until I was in his room. He sat at his table with a book in his hands, when I entered he stood quickly and I sobbed as I fell into his open arms. 

“What has happened, love?” He asked and I sniffled into his shirt. 

“My father.” I gasped and then I told him everything that had happened to me that led me to his door. 

He sat us on the bed and held me close as I cried. 

“I have to go with him.” I said as I pulled away to wipe my eyes. 

“No.” Argis said and grabbed my hands tightly. 

“I cannot let my mother die without knowing I love her, I couldn’t live with myself.” Argis looked away, he was thinking. 

“I have to go.” I said again. He turned to me, with heat in his eyes and kissed me. 

“Don’t go.” He whispered as he kissed me. 

“Stay with me.” He pleaded and I pulled away and shook my head. 

“Argis…” I sighed and he took my hands again. 

“Listen... marry me, he cannot betroth you if you already have a husband.” He said. 

“He would keep mother from me.” I argued. 

“Not if you announced our marriage in front of the Jarl, surely he wouldn’t deny you a visit to your mother so she could offer her congratulations?” His plan could possibly work, but his words the night I had kissed him came back to me. I was not over Brynjolf, and while I loved Argis deeply, Brynjolf still held my heart firmly, no matter how much I might want it back. 

“I cannot ask this of you, Argis.” I said with a shake of my head. 

“I’m the one asking you.” He said as he touched my face. 

“But you said-“ 

“I know what I said, and while it pains me to not have your whole heart. I cannot let you walk into a marriage where you will be miserable. In time, maybe your heart will change.” My eyes watered as I looked at him, I did not deserve his loyalty or love, yet he had given both of them to me without hesitation. 

“You deserve better than me, Argis.” I said sadly. 

“There is no one better than you.” He replied and rested his forehead against mine. He kissed me again softly. 

“Is that a yes?” He asked. 

“Your plan is crazy.” 

Kiss. 

“All the best ones are.”

Kiss. 

“When will we even do it?” 

Kiss. 

“Tomorrow, Kodlak can do the ceremony.” I pulled away from his mouth and looked at him. 

“This is certainly a well thought out plan for one you’ve thought of just now.” He seemed sheepish. 

“Marrying you has crossed my mind more times than I care to admit.” He said with a smile. I looked at him, and wondered if he was right. In time, would the love for Brynjolf diminish? 

I loved Argis, I was very attracted to him. Brynjolf had taken ahold of my soul though, he had loved me in a way that consumed me. Argis loved me in a different way, but he had laid his heart out bare for me. I thought I could truly find happiness with him. 

I held my hand up to touch his chest, his heart hammered underneath my palm. I looked up at him through my lashes, his eyes were heavy. He leaned forward slowly to kiss me again, this time it was slow and deep. I moved closer to him and returned the passion. 

“Will you touch me?” I whispered against his lips. 

He did not answer me with words, but trailed his hand down my neck and to my chest. He played with the lacings in the front before undoing them swiftly to pull the gown from my shoulders so I was bare. I gasped against the chill in the air and he attached his mouth to my neck and trailed slowly down to my breast. I gasped loudly and arched against him, he held me tight beside him. 

“Argis, please.” I wasn’t even sure what it was I asked of him. It had been over a year since I returned to Riften, over a year since I had been touched in such a way. 

He must have known what I needed better than me because he quickly pulled his shirt over his head and helped me out of the dress. He pushed us back onto the bed and attached his lips to mine once more. His right hand palmed my breast and I moaned from the contact. He trailed it down my side and grabbed my bum roughly and pulled me towards him. I felt his arousal pressing against me and gasped. 

“It has been a long time since I lay with a man.” I admitted. “And It has only ever been one man.” I said nervously. Argis looked down at me and smiled as he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. 

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” He asked me and I smiled… always making sure I was comfortable. 

“I want you.” I said, very truthfully. 

He kissed me again and I felt my nerves leaving me bit by bit. Argis maneuvered out of his breeches and held my thigh in his hand as he situated himself at my entrance, he touched my face softly, like I was breakable. 

“Are you ready?” I nodded and kissed him as he pushed himself inside me. I gasped from the contact. 

Argis made love to me slowly, and well into the wee hours of the morning. It was an understanding between two hearts, he knew I could not fully give myself to him, not yet. It was his promise that he would wait for my heart to heal, so that I could give it to him. It was my promise to him, that I would love him, as broken as I was. I would try. 

———

The next day we said wedding vows with the Companions as our witnesses. Kodlak officiated and I felt truly and deeply happy for the first time in what felt like forever. He kissed me after we had shared our rings and everyone whistled and cheered as I laughed against his lips. After a small meal I knew it was time for us to face my father. So with nervous stomachs and our hands entwined, we made our way to Dragonsreach. 

He sat at the jarls table eating their afternoon meal. My father was speaking animatedly and Balgruuf watched him with suspicious eyes, I knew he was not fooled by my father's pretty words and seeing that gave me strength. 

I held Argis’s hand tightly and he stood as a silent wall of strength beside me as we made our presence known. My father stood, the jarl smiled at me in welcome.

“My friend, Lady Hearthwing, you are looking radiant today.” He said as he raised his glass. 

“I thank you, my Jarl, but I must correct you. For as of an hour ago, I am no longer Lady Hearthwing, but Bretta Bulwark, wife of Argis.” I looked up at the man in question. He smiled encouragingly at me. I turned back to the Jarl, ignoring the looks from my father. 

“Well then! Congratulations are in order! Proventus! Fetch me the ale I save for special occasions!” He said jovially. I smiled at my friend then finally settled my eyes on my father. 

He was staring at me, open mouthed, his ears were red which is how I knew he was furious. I smiled smugly at him. “Dear father, don’t you wish to congratulate your only daughter?” I said sweetly. He closed his mouth and glared dangerously at me. 

He stepped forward and grabbed my arm roughly, I gasped. “You listen here you filthy little whore, I will not be made a fool of-“ He was cut short when Argis grabbed his forearm roughly. 

“I’ll ask you kindly, to take your hand from my wife, sir.” Argis’s voice was low and deadly as he towered over my father’s small frame. 

Father released me quickly and cleared his throat as he fixed his shirt. He put on his best charming smile and turned to the Jarl who watched the entire encounter with knowing eyes. 

“Congratulations, Bretta, your mother would be so happy.” He said pointedly and I narrowed my eyes as I stared at him. 

“Speaking of my dear mother, I wish to see her so that she may offer her congratulations in person. Surely, she will want to host a party in honor of Argis and I.” I said with a smirk, he blanched and I knew I had him. He didn’t say anything. 

“Of course you’ll go home to High Rock to celebrate, then when you return you’ll want to have a proper ceremony in Solitude so that the Queen can offer her congratulations as well.” Jarl Balgruuf said as he looked to my father. 

My father knew he was cornered so he offered us all his most handsome court smile. “I will send word for her to begin preparations, we will have a true High Rock celebration.” His voice was honey, but his eyes were cold. I held tightly to Argis, and for the first time in a long time. I didn’t feel alone. 

———

Brynjolf POV

I did not know why Vex insisted I come with her on this bloody Solitude job. She was more than capable of handling it on her own, but she had enlisted Sapphire to stay with Hilda and demanded I go to the capital city with her. We would infiltrate the home that evening, I was currently at the Winking Skeever having a drink while she scoped the place out. 

They had just finished singing the tale of the Dragonborn for what seemed like the thousandth time. Everywhere I looked there was a painting of Bretta fighting the great winged beast and the thought of her facing him without me by her side made my stomach churn. She had prevailed however, and tales of her bravery were told for months afterwards. I felt proud of the hero I knew she was meant to be, but seeing her face everywhere only made her absence in my life more prevalent. 

It seemed they were speaking of her more today. I wondered if it was because we were in the capital, she had a home here they said, but she drifted from place to place. Which sounded very much like her. She had visited all the holds when she came out victorious, all except Riften, she ran from me like the plague. I still yearned for her, her eyes still haunted me every night. There wasn’t a day that passed that I didn’t wonder how she was doing, did she still love me as I loved her? 

A girl burst through the doors of the inn suddenly, her face was flushed and she had a swooned look on her face. 

“She’s so beautiful! Like a real princess!” She said with a sigh. 

“The ceremony is over then? They’re receiving people?” A man asked and the girl nodded. 

“The Dragonborn married to a Companion, what a match!” An argonian said as he raised his glass, but I felt like the world had fallen from under my feet. 

“Did you say the Dragonborn is married today?” I asked the reptilian man. 

“Do you live under a rock? The whole city has been planning this for weeks! She returned home for a celebration in High Rock, and came here to celebrate afterwards.” I sat back in my chair and it felt as if the room was spinning. She was married, she had moved on… from me. 

I stood up without another word and pulled my hood over my head as I walked the busy streets. I followed the crowd but could not see anything, I hopped on a rooftop and looked down to where the gathering of people were lined up offering their congratulations for the woman who had saved them all from certain death. 

I stared at her for a long moment, because she did not look real. She looked ethereal in white as she smiled brilliantly for every person who came to her. She held their hands and listened to them, such a lady, she was meant for a life such as this. I finally looked to her right, to the bastard who couldn’t begin to deserve her. This Companion, was a nord. He shook hands with every man who came to them, and then he would look at Bretta with such affection it made me ill, it made me want to hurt things. My heart felt as if it was being stabbed, but I couldn’t look away from her. It had been too long since I had seen her face. When Karliah told me she had left me again, I thought for sure that I would never see her again. Now she was in front of me, she threw her head back as she laughed at something her… husband whispered in her ear. She spoke to him lowly then stood, he kissed her hand softly and she walked around the building. I took his opportunity to hop down from the roof where I watched her. 

I followed her through the crowd, everyone stopped her as she passed and she was kind and patient with everyone. Finally she came to a grand house very close to the palace, she opened the door and slipped inside. I waited for just a few moments before I opened the door and crept in quietly. She was standing over an alchemy table crushing up some herbs, when I saw the mixture I knew it to be a potion for sickness. Was she ill?

Slowly I moved closer to her. I could nearly smell her hair but I dared not touch her. I grabbed her suddenly and she screamed but my hand covered her mouth. 

“Is being the Dragonborn making you lose your edge, little lamb? You’re lucky I’m not an assassin.” I said into her ear. I moved my hand from her mouth. 

“Bryn?” She said quietly and turned in my arms, I touched her cheek softly. 

“Hello, love.” I whispered, being near her was intoxicating. 

She stiffened and pulled away from me. “What are you doing here?” She asked, she sounded cold and she crossed her arms. 

“I came on a job, and caught wind of a wedding. I had to see for myself.” I said evenly. She nodded. 

“You aren’t staying?” She asked. 

“The capital city doesn’t hold the same sentimental value to me that Riften does.” I said and she nodded. 

“Good.” She replied and turned back to her herbs. I stared at her, confused at the hostility I was receiving. 

“Is that it then? After all this time?” I asked, my temper flaring, she stopped her bloody crushing and held the edges of the table as she sighed. 

“How’s your wife?” She spat. 

“Bretta… please.” I said, my voice pained. 

She spun on me, she had tears in her eyes and she was brilliant in her anger. 

“No! You cannot do this to me! You cannot just waltz in here on this day!” She said with a choked voice and I stepped forward but she stepped away. I dropped my hands to my side and clenched my fists. 

“I will always love you, you carry my heart with you wherever you go.” I said with conviction, she closed her eyes as a tear fell. 

“You knew this would happen, it is why I left. There’s too much between us now, you needed to move on, and I did too.” She said, she opened her eyes and stared into mine. 

“Have you then? Moved on?” I asked as I stepped closer to her, she backed into the table and I stepped closer until we were only a breath from each other. 

“Brynjolf.” She pleaded and I touched her jaw. 

“I could live a thousand years and I would never move on from you. Even when I thought you dead, my soul is yours.” Her whole frame quivered as she stared at me. 

I kissed her then. 

I could not stop, I pulled her closer to me. She sobbed but her arms wrapped around my shoulders, her tears wet my cheeks as our mouths danced together. I pulled away and peppered kisses all over her face. 

“I love you.” I breathed and she froze. 

She pushed me away and held a hand to her mouth, tears still steadily falling from her beautiful eyes. 

“Run away with me, we can disappear, please.” I begged. 

“You have a child, Brynjolf.” She said in a rough voice. 

“A child that will have to grow up watching her father not love her mother properly, a child that will grow up with a father who has no heart because it was given away before she was born.” I said heatedly. 

“You cannot abandon her.” She sighed softly. 

“I cannot let you go.” 

“I am married to another man, Brynjolf!” She cried and I winced. 

“You cannot love him truly, we own each other, body and soul.” I said as I watched her turn her head from me. 

“I made a vow.” She whispered. 

“As did I, I made a vow years ago when I told you I would love you until the day I died, I made a vow to never leave your side. I cannot break it, twice you’ve left me, but you’re here. You’re in front of me, I can’t just go now.” 

“You have to leave.” She said and she started to turn from me, I grabbed her arm but she jerked away. She placed a hand on her stomach and she shook as she sighed. 

“I carry his child.” She lifted her eyes to look at me and I felt as if I had taken a dagger to the gut. The thought of her lying with another man brought such bile to my throat that I had to look away. 

I looked to her still flat stomach and back to her. I nodded to myself. “I see.” I said, my voice was gravelly. 

“I love him, Brynjolf, and he loves me.” She said softly. 

“How could he not?” I said with a pained smile. “Everyone who meets you, loves you.” I said with a shaky breath. 

“I cannot leave him, not after everything he has done for me. He is an honorable man, he is my dearest friend. You would-“ I held up a hand. 

“Do not tell me I would like him, Bretta, by the nine! I am trying very hard not to find the man and gut him.” I spat. 

“You need to leave.” She said again and turned from me. 

“Do you love him like you love me?” I asked, I was torturing myself, but I needed to hear her say it. 

She looked at me over her shoulder, a sad smile on her face. “I love no one like I love you.” She whispered. 

I stepped forward but she spoke again, stopping me. “Goodbye Bryn.” Her voice rang with finality and I swallowed the lump in my throat as I turned to leave her. 

It hurt, it felt like I was aflame. She was sworn to another, and Bretta was a woman of her word. She would never forsake him, she was truly gone from me. Never to return, both of us doomed to live our lives without our very souls. I wanted to scream to the skies, beg them to tell me why they had placed such a woman in my life only to have her ripped from my very hands time and time again. I stepped from her house and I stopped abruptly at who I saw. 

Vex. 

She leaned against a building and watched me with careful eyes. She looked older to me, these last several years aging her considerably. 

“You knew.” I spat as I walked down the steps to the street. 

“Aye.” She said as she kicked off the building. 

“Was there ever even a job?” I asked. 

“No.” She responded simply. 

I scoffed at her and walked away, towards the exit of the city. I need to be rid of this place, I needed to be far away from Bretta or I would run back and throw myself at her feet and beg her to choose me instead. 

“You needed to see this, Bryn.” Vex said as she walked fast to keep pace with me. 

“To oblivion with you, Vex.” I spat as I walked. She grabbed my shoulder and turned me to look at her. Her eyes were angry, but they watered. 

“She’s gone to you now, married to another. You have to move on.” Vex pleaded. I glared at her. 

“You don’t get it, Vex, there will never come a time when I will be done with her. She could have children with the bastard for the next twenty years, and I would still fall to her feet if she asked me to do so.” I said to her with conviction and she blanched. 

“We were happy for those two years, if you would just try…” she pleaded and I felt sorry for the woman. 

“You were happy, I was a shell of a man who believed the one woman to own his heart was dead. I contented myself to try my damndest to find some semblance of happy, but it was always in vain. When she came to me that day, it’s like my heart awakened after a two year slumber. She’s alive and she’s out there, I will never be able to let go of her, Vex. I’m sorry.” Vex had tears in her eyes and she glared at me. 

“I wish she would have just stayed dead. I wish Mercer would have done the job correctly.” She spat out bitterly, there was the Vex I remembered. I grabbed her arm roughly and put my face close to hers. 

“You will not speak of her in such a way.” I whispered in a dangerous voice. She jerked away and slapped me on the face. 

“I hate you, I hate you and I hate her. I hope you’re miserable, you bastard. I hope the thought of her growing that man’s brats in her belly brings pain to every part of your body. Then maybe you’ll have some semblance of the torment you have put me me through!” She shouted before cloaking herself and sprinting away from me. I watched her go until she disappeared into the crowd. 

I stared back in the direction of Bretta’s home, my heart begging me to take me back to her. She had dismissed me, she wanted to move on from me. I had to honor that desire, but I had to see her one last time. I would give her time to think, and I would find her again tomorrow. 

Then I would say goodbye, until she called me back to her.


	11. Reborn

Brynjolf POV

After a night of drunken idiocy, and more confessions to the innkeeper than I would care to admit. I wandered onto the streets of Solitude to seek her out again. The city was much quieter today, with the festivities over. I knew she would still linger for a few days, she had seemed panicked at the thought of me staying in the city. 

I came to the house once more and wondered if her husband would be with her. I shuddered at the thought, the thought of them together made every part of me scream in rejection, she was not his to take. 

The house was dark and quiet when I entered after picking the lock. I waited for the sound of voices or footsteps but I found none. I took the time to look around, the house was a grand one to be sure, but the decorations were so very Bretta. There were flowers everywhere, and pillows covered in blue cloth, her favorite. 

I stopped when two paintings together caught my eye. One was of a grand estate that loomed over a hillside, I wondered if this was her home in High Rock, she scarcely spoke of her family to me. It was still a fresh wound when we met in Riften. The painting beside the other to the naked eye might seem like an unassuming tomb, perhaps where a beloved family member lay to rest. I knew better, I saw the seal, it was the graveyard entrance to the Guild. She had it painted to hang in her home. This gave me hope, hope that I could change her mind. 

I was a man gone mad, when I wanted something I took it. I had wanted her the moment I saved her from those two thugs in Riften, I hadn’t expected her to steal my very soul from me. I had been a fool to think I would ever be able to breathe correctly without her. 

“Hello Brynjolf.” A deep voice said, I spun around, my bow pulled tight aimed at the man who only watched me with strange eyes. 

Her husband, the Companion. 

I lowered my bow slowly and stared at the man who had the woman I loved in his bed. 

“Where is she?” I asked lowly. 

The man did not answer. He walked to a side table and poured two glasses of wine, he waved a hand to motion for me to sit. I took the offered glass, but did not sit with him. He sighed as he took several big gulps of the drink. 

“She is on business at the palace.” He said pointedly, and I understood then. He meant to keep her from me. 

“I need to see her.” 

“I won’t allow that.” He said evenly. 

I slammed the glass down on the table, he didn’t even flinch. I glared at him as my chest heaved from anger. 

“You do not own her, Companion.” I spat. 

“I am fully aware of that. She belongs to no one but herself, it is one of the reasons I love her.” He said. 

“She will want to speak with me.” I said as I clenched my fists and the man, Argis, shook his head as he sighed. 

“Of course she will, she’s in love with you.” He said. 

“Then why-“ I started but he stood suddenly, his stoic face twisted in a glare. 

“Because she’s the most important person in the world to me, I made a vow long before I told her I loved her to keep her from harms way no matter what it meant for me. Since then I have faced every threat that came her way by her side, and I will continue to do so.” He said in a dangerous voice. 

“I am no threat to her.” I scoffed. 

“You are the biggest threat of all. You come here, on our wedding day no less, and you make her question everything. She cried all night, nothing I said could console her.” 

“Are you sure I’m not a threat to you, Argis? This is why you keep her from me.” I said with narrowed eyes. 

“I keep her from you because she cannot think rationally when you’re around. She is with child, MY child. The first months of this pregnancy were hard on her, the healers say she needs to remain calm, not too much excitement. I will not let you jeopardize my family.” 

I rubbed the back of my neck. “She did not tell me yesterday…” 

The thought that I might have potentially put Bretta in any danger was sickening to me. Her child, was a part of her. I rubbed my hands over my eyes, this was all wrong. 

“You need to leave, and you need to stay gone.” He said in a deathly still voice. 

“You should know that leaving her is no simple task.” I said with clenched teeth. 

“If you love her, truly, as you say you do. You will leave her, she’s happy. I do my best everyday to make sure of it. She has told me of your time together, of her love for you, this is something I know will not diminish easily. I am a patient man, and I will wait for her heart to change. You must go though. You have a wife, a child, do you really think Bretta would ever let you leave them? Do you know her at all?” His voice had begun to rise. 

“Do not question my knowledge of her, when she’s touched my soul with her very hands!” I shouted. 

We were silent for a long moment. Both of us locked in a glare. 

“I am asking you, as a man who loves the same woman as you, to think on what is best for her. She and I will share a child, I will be there always. You share a child with this Vex woman, your lives would be hard and full of tension. I am no fool, I know if you pressed her enough she would come back to you. This is why I ask you to leave us in peace.” He pleaded. 

I stared at him, this man who woke up every morning with the most precious thing to me. I knew he loved her, she was brave and kind. She was strong, and so beautiful you could scarcely look at her. He loved her. 

But he wasn’t me. I thought of my daughter, my sweet Hilda who loved me so purely. She was the one joy to me in all of this mess I had made. I could not regret her, she was an innocent in all of this. I would never love her mother though, I couldn’t, I didn’t have a heart to give Vex any longer. I squeezed my eyes shut, my mind and heart were split in two. How could I move on from her? Was it even possible? 

“I will go, but I have but one request.” I said with a choked voice. 

Argis stared at me with suspicious eyes. “What is it you want?”

“Please, just send me word every now and again. Let me know she’s safe, you don’t have to tell her, I am asking this of you as a man who has loved her and lost her. Please.” I stared into his eyes, he watched me with a hard expression but finally nodded sharply. 

“I will do this.” He swore and held his hand out for mine. 

I stared at it for a moment, when I shook his hand I was closing the book on Bretta and I forever, she had found some happiness with this man. I would never be the same, I would walk my life in the shadows once more, as I did before I met her, but I had seen the light now… she had set fire to my mind and claimed my heart and soul as hers. I knew I could not live without her, but I would exist… for Hilda’s sake. 

I clenched Argis’s hand tightly in mine and looked the man in the eye. 

My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest. 

———

Bretta POV

I groaned as I sat up in bed. My round belly was making it very hard for me to move over the last weeks. The wee one inside me had hit a growth spurt it seemed. I yawned when I stood and smiled as I looked out the window to the streets of Whiterun, my home, my beautiful home. Argis was away on Companion business as he often was, he had told me the journey would be a short one so I expected him for supper that evening. 

I grabbed the cloak Onmund had gifted me all those years ago and reminded myself I was supposed to send him those herbs I had discovered while fishing the other day. Thinking of letters I remembered I needed to respond to mother’s, she had been writing me nonstop about the baby, and if it weren’t for her poor health I was sure she would have moved into mine and Argis’s home to be close to me. I smiled when I thought of her, her presence once more in my life brought a peace to me I had not realized was missing. 

Pulling the cloak around me I wondered down the stairs. Lydia was stirring something over the hearth and I smirked, she looked comical in a domestic setting with her official armor and permanent scowl. When she saw me her eyes widened and she rushed over to help me down the last few stairs. I rolled my eyes at her fussing, she and Argis had been driving me mad. 

“Master Argis says you’re to not take the stairs alone, my lady.” Lydia scolded and I brushed her off with a wave of my hand as I grabbed a piece of bread to nibble on. 

“Argis and you both worry too much.” I grumbled. 

“The healer said-“ she started and I stopped her. 

“I know, but Mara’s balls you all treat me like I’m made of glass. I’m the bloody Dragonborn!” I said around a mouthful of bread. I did not look very heroic with my messy bed hair and round belly. Lydia had the same thoughts I think because she chuckled lowly. 

“Whatever you say, my thane.” She said teasingly and I glared at her as I waddled to the back of the house to clean up for the day. 

————

Argis came home later than expected that evening. I had already fallen asleep and when I awoke he was sitting on the edge of the bed breathing heavily. He didn’t wear a shirt. 

“Argis?” I asked as I sat up. I touched his shoulder, he was wet with sweat and he looked at me with bright orange eyes that didn’t look human. 

I gasped loudly and scooted away from him. His eyes changed to normal and then they were the eyes I loved, he seemed apologetic and he grabbed me to asses for any damage. 

“Bretta! I did not mean to wake you.” He sounded frightened. 

“You’re eyes…” I whispered, my hands were shaking as I touched his face. 

“I’m so sorry I frightened you.” He seemed pained as he spoke. 

“What is happening?” He leaned into my touch and closed his eyes. He seemed so frail in that moment, it was so foreign to me. Argis was always a picture of strength. 

“I wish I could tell you.” He murmured. 

“Why can’t you tell me?” I questioned. 

“It’s official Companion business. I’m okay though, everything will be fine now.” He said as he kissed my forehead and laid down, he pulled me with him and was asleep almost instantly. 

I laid awake the rest of the night just watching him sleep. 

————

Over the next month Argis’s behavior became more and more strange. He rarely came home when I was awake, and he was so cold and standoffish. He said he, Aela, and Skjor were on a very important mission. He wouldn’t tell me any details, he wouldn’t even allow me to dress the strange wounds I saw. They seemed like burns, but he would get them in an evening and they appeared to have been on his skin for weeks. 

I had grown irritated with his continuingly odd behavior. I yelled and cursed and Argis had begun shaking uncontrollably. I had never seen him act so hostile towards me, but it seemed as soon as the behavior started it stopped again and he was at my feet begging for forgiveness. Heartbroken to see my husband so frail, I had dropped it and comforted him until he fell into a fitful sleep. 

That was two weeks ago and he had been gone since the morning after our fight. I was growing more and more worried so I decided to make my way to Jorrvaskr; if Argis refused to tell me what was going on then I would go above him and ask Kodlak, the man was like a father to all of us. I had grown fond of our talks of Skyrim’s history and he in turn listened to everything I could tell him about High Rock. 

When I entered the mead hall it seemed like a normal day. Ria was chugging ale while Njada cheered, Athis stood in the corner shaking his head at the antics. Skjor, Aela, and Argis were missing from the picture of family. I needed to know what in Oblivion was going on.

“Aren’t you going to pop that pup out already, Bretta?” Ria called after me as I reached the top of the stairs. 

“Still has some cooking to do!” I called, causing her to laugh as I took the stairs carefully. 

I found Kodlak in the small parlor outside his bedroom. He was writing in a journal, he looked up as he saw me and a kind smile covered his face. 

“Bretta, this is a pleasant surprise, shouldn’t you be resting?” He rose to give me a hug and help me into the chair across from his. 

“Argis hasn’t been home for two weeks.” I said with a questioning stare. 

Kodlak’s smile fell and his eyes grew troubled. He closed the leather bound journal slowly and sighed. 

“Argis has chosen a path that I warned him against.” He said cryptically. I sat forward in my chair. 

“What do you mean, Kodlak? Is he in trouble?” My heart pick up speed as I searched the man’s eyes. 

“He-“ He started when there was a loud crash upstairs. We both looked to the ceiling, Kodlak’s face grew serious as he looked at me. 

“Do not leave this room until someone comes for you.” He said sternly before grabbing his sword and rushing to the exit. 

Not content to be told what to do I rose from the chair, the sounds upstairs grew louder and I could hear shouting. Someone was attacking Jorrvaskr, who would do such a thing?

When I opened the door that led to the stairs a body of a man flew down them in front of me. I gasped in surprise and looked down at the man with a gash in his chest then up to Ria who held her blade that was dripping with blood. 

“Bretta! Stay back!” She shouted as she rushed down the stairs to my side. 

“What in the name of the nine is going on?” I shouted and Ria began to herd me back to Kodlak’s quarters. 

“A rogue group is attacking, you need to stay safe.” She said and I was about to protest as a pain like I had been shot with an arrow ripped through my whole body. 

I screamed in agony and clutched my stomach. I nearly collapsed to the floor but Ria caught me with strong arms. Another wave hit me and I cried out again. 

“The baby is coming?” Ria said, her eyes were wide and afraid. 

“It’s too soon!” I panted, Ria scooped me up as if I weighed nothing and carried me to Kodlak’s bed as another pain hit me. 

“By Talos, I don’t know what to do!” Ria cried, the shouting upstairs was growing louder by the minute and my cries died with it. 

“Barricade the door and fetch some water, it can’t be stopped now.” I said, my entire body shook with pain and fear for my baby. 

Where was Argis?

————

I opened my eyes slowly, there was a figure sitting in the chair by the bed. I couldn’t quite make them out as I blinked. My entire body was riddled with pain, and my baby! Where was my baby? I sat up quickly, my eyes searching the room madly. 

“Shhh, don’t move, you’re very weak right now.” The voice of Argis said and I blinked again to find my husband now sitting on the bed beside me, a bundle of blankets in his big arms. 

“The baby?” I asked. 

“We have a healthy son.” Argis said as he smiled at me. I reached for him and he settled the little boy into my arms. 

I felt tears fill my eyes as I looked at the perfect little creature in my arms. He turned his face towards me and I quickly pulled my breast free so that he could eat. I looked up and Argis was staring at me with eyes full of sorrow. 

“I could apologize to you every day for a thousand years; and it would never make up for not being with you when you gave birth to our child.” He said in a choked voice. 

“Oh Argis.” I whispered and touched his hand. 

“You should be angry with me, you should tell me to go to Oblivion.” He said as he looked away from me, I held his hand tighter. 

“You know I will never say that to you.” I told him and he looked to me once more. 

“I do not deserve you.” He said solemnly. 

“Argis, you have to tell me what is going on with you. Who were those people that attacked?” He stood from the bed and turned his back to me, his shoulders were tense. 

“They were the Silver Hands.” He said in a dark voice. 

“Why would they attack?” 

He was quiet for a long moment, finally he took a deep breath and answered me. 

“They hunt werewolves.” He said as he turned to look at me. 

“But that…” I trailed off as understand dawned on me. 

The strange color to his eyes, the wounds that healed seemingly overnight. The fitful sleep, the uncontrollable rage that seemed to take him at the drop of a hat. 

“The Companions are werewolves?” I asked in a breathless voice. 

“Not all, only members of the circle carry the beast blood. The twins, Aela, myself… Skjor and Kodlak had it.” His voice grew quiet. 

“Had it?” I questioned, not wanting to believe what he was saying. 

“They slay Skjor a fortnight ago, that’s why Aela and I did not return. We were seeking vengeance on the Silver Hand bastards, one confessed there was to be an attack on Jorrvaskr and we rushed home but it was too late. Kodlak was dead…” I covered my mouth with my hand as tears fell from my eyes. 

Kodlak was dead, the kind man who had welcomed me into their family with such open arms. He had seen good in me when I could scarcely see it myself, and now he was dead. 

“The fighting had stopped when we returned. Ria came to me, she was covered in blood and I thought it was from an enemy until she murmured your name. I couldn’t get down the stairs fast enough, the baby was laying beside you and you just looked so pale and small. I thought I had lost you…” he whispered the last part. 

“I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this, Argis, you should have told me.” The baby coughed and I pulled him away from my breast and to my shoulder to help relieve the air in his belly. 

“I was sworn to secrecy, and I was afraid to burden you because of the baby.” He murmured. He came to sit beside me once more. 

He touched the back of our sons head and smiled proudly. “He is strong, he will be a great warrior someday.”

“He could be a mage like his mother.” I countered. 

“Very well, love, what shall we call him?” He asked as he leaned in to kiss my forehead. 

I pulled the baby away and looked down into his innocent face. 

“We will call him Kodlak.” I whispered as I touched his chin.


	12. Death Takes You

We gave Kodlak a proper send off at the Skyforge a week after he was taken from us. I held my son, Koda we called him for short, to my shoulder. Argis had an arm around the both of us as we stared at the flames. There was a solemn silence amongst our small family that had been irrevocably broken. 

“Argis, can we have a word?” Vilkas said, sorrow on his face. 

Argis nodded and kissed my temple softly before following the man to the back of Jorrvaskr. I looked back to the flames and felt tears welling up in my eyes. 

“Thank you, for your friendship.” I whispered and turned to walk away. 

“Bretta?” The voice of Aela called after me. 

I smiled at the woman I called friend. “Yes?”

“You left some things in Kodlak’s quarters, you might grab them before you head home.” She said, a sad smile on her lovely face. 

“I’ll do that.” I said with a nod. 

“Can I hold Koda for a while?” She called after me and I turned to her with a questioning smile. She had not yet asked to hold him, and I figured it was because Aela wasn’t exactly the motherly type. 

“I just want to see something untouched by this life for awhile.” She said with tears in her eyes. Skjor’s death had taken a harsh toll on her, and now Kodlak. 

I handed her Koda and she smiled a real smile down at the little boy. 

“Hello, little pup.” She said as she touched his cheek. 

I left them quietly as she sat beside the Skyforge with my son and told him all about his namesake. 

I took a deep breath as I entered Kodlak’s rooms, I had left clothes and some blankets for Koda I gathered the things and made my way out, as I passed the table outside his bed chamber a rustling noise caught my attention. 

I looked down at the leather bound journal on the table. He had been writing in it the day of the attack. I sat the blankets on the chair and touched the thin pages of the book softly. Emotions welled inside me that took my breath away, as I went to close the book my name on the pages caught my eye. I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone was around then leaned in to read the words. 

‘Bretta Hearthwing still adamantly refuses membership to our circle. I admire her tenacity, but what she doesn’t realize is that she has always been a Companion to me. The dreams of she and I facing the great wolf still come to me, and this only further instills my belief that it is she who will save my very soul.’

I held my hand to my mouth as I read what he wrote. I flipped back several pages, he had written more of these dreams, he had had them even before I came to Jorrvaskr that night. I sat slowly into the chair and continued to read. Kodlak suspected the curse of the wolf could be broken by slaying the very witches who created it in the first place. I ripped the page out of the journal that detailed where the cave of the witches was located, I closed the book as I stood and shoved the paper into my pocket. I needed to find Argis. 

“Bretta?” He called, he stepped into the light and I hurried forward. 

“Argis, I need your help.” I said quickly. 

“Calm down, love, what has happened?” I took a deep breath and began to talk. 

I told him of what I had just read, of the dreams Kodlak had had, of the curse and his desire to have it broken so that he may go to Sovngarde with his kinsman. Argis listened to me talk, but his expression grew dark. I grabbed the page from my pocket and uncrumpled it. 

“It says here where the beasts dwell, we must go!” I was breathing heavily, a new purpose settling within me, to help Kodlak’s soul. 

“The old man is dead, there is nought we can do now,” He said with finality. 

I blanched, “What… what do you mean? We must try!”

“Drop it, Bretta.” He said in a warning tone and turned to leave. 

“I will not drop it! You would deny a dead man his last wish?” I said as I grabbed his arm, he turned to face me once more, a glare on his handsome face. 

“That’s right! He’s dead, those bastards killed him, and they will pay, this is all we can do for Kodlak now.” 

“You’re going to go after them? Still? After all that has happened?” 

“Aye, and I won’t stop until every last Silver Hand lays dead on the ground.” He turned away but I rushed in front of him. 

“Argis, you are letting your grief control you.” I tried to speak in a calm voice. 

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Vilkas told me that it was Kodlak’s wish for me to be Harbinger were anything to happen to him, for you and I to run things side by side. I am doing what needs to be done for the good of my family.” 

“The good of your family? Your SON is your family, and you are putting yourself and everyone here at risk each time you go after them. You would leave him fatherless to settle your own thirst for vengeance!” I shouted the last few words and Argis glared dangerously at me. 

“I’m done discussing this, you will stay here where Ria can look after you.” I opened my mouth in shock as he pushed by me. 

“I am no child that you can order around!” I shouted as I followed him. 

“You’re behaving like a child.” Argis said, never stopping his pursuit to the door. 

“I’m just wondering where the hell my husband has gone. He’s been replaced with some vengeful monster that I don’t even recognize!” I cried and he stopped walking. 

He turned to me and his eyes were that familiar shade of yellow that sent a chill through me. 

“Why don’t you run back to Riften to be with your thief if I’m such a monster.” He growled and I paled. His words made me feel ill. I just stared at him, his eyes changed to normal and his face relaxed, anger was replaced with horror. 

“Bretta I-“ I held up a hand to stop him, I was doing my best to fight back the tears his words had brought to the surface. 

“I can’t believe you said that to me.” I croaked before rushing away from him. 

———

Argis did not approach me again before he, Aela and the twins departed for their fool's mission. Ria said Argis had told her to make sure I stayed at Jorrvaskr because it was safer, it annoyed me to no end that they all acted as if I couldn’t take care of myself, I saved the world but I guess I had to be babysat. If it weren’t for Koda, and his safety, I would have told them all to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. 

Weeks passed, with no word from them at all. I began to fear the worst, what if he never returned? I would live my life wondering. 

I made a home in Kodlak’s quarters, and took care of Koda. He reminded me so much of Argis that it was nearly impossible to look at him due to the pain in my heart. I sat on the porch with him one day, singing a soft lullaby my mother sang to me when I was young. He was so beautiful, I felt so lucky the Gods had blessed me with the sweet little soul, he cooed happily as I sang and I touched his chin fondly.

“I swear to you, that I will protect you in every way possible.” I whispered to him as I finished the song. The love that welled within in me for the tiny boy was so powerful it consumed me. 

“Bretta!” A voice called, I looked up to find Farkas and Vilkas carrying a bloody Argis up the steps of Jorrvaskr. 

“By the nine.” I whispered. “Tilma!” I shouted. 

The elderly lady rushed out the front door. 

“Take Koda, and tell Ria to fetch the healer from the temple.” I told her quickly as I met the men. 

“What happened?” I demanded, I touched Argis’s face, he groaned and looked at me as he whispered my name, but his eyes were unfocused. 

“They cut him deep with a silver blade, Bretta.” Vilkas’s voice was grave. “He won’t last the night.” 

I looked to him my eyes filling with tears and shook my head slightly. 

“We have to try, the healer can-“ I was babbling but Vilkas just looked at me with a face full of pity. 

“There’s nothing to be done. He made us swear to get him to you before it happened, to say goodbye…” I dropped my hands to my sides, they were covered in his blood. The twins carried him up the steps and through the front door and I followed them slowly. My entire frame was shaking. 

We made it down to the Harbingers quarters and Argis groaned in pain as they sat him on the bed. I rushed and grabbed a bowl of cloth and water that sat on a table. I sat by his side and began cleaning the blood from his face and arms as best I could. The twins left us alone without a word, but I paid it no mind. 

“Bretta?” He croaked and I bit back the tears. I was steadily avoiding looking at the gaping wound in his abdomen. 

“Yes, Argis?” I said, my voice a ragged chirp. 

“I’m so sorry, love, I should have listened to you-“ He began coughing, blood gurgling from his mouth. I put the bowl of water on the table and shushed him. I touched his face softly as tears fell down my cheeks in a steady stream.

“Do not apologize, it will all be well, you’ll see.” I said with a watery smile as I pushed his hair from his face.

His hand came up and cupped my cheek and I leaned into his touch. Those eyes that I loved stared at me with the same devotion they had since the day he told me he loved me. 

“Stay with me, please?” He whispered. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” I swore. 

I kicked my shoes off and crawled into the bed beside him. He held me tight against his side and I rested my hand on his chest, I could feel the warmth of his blood seeping into my dress but I didn’t care. I wouldn’t, couldn’t leave him. Not now. 

“That trip we took to the Throat of the World, after I came to know you better… you’ve always reminded me of a bird. Have I ever told you that?” Argis spoke quietly into my hair and I shook my head. 

“I don’t believe you have.” 

He hummed happily, “My little bird, you’re so free, so fragile but strong. I love you so much, more than I have ever loved anything else.” He told me. 

I turned my head so I could look into his eyes. 

“I love you, Argis, you’re my best friend.” I said as I kissed his chin. 

“Will you sing that lullaby for me? The one you sing to Koda?” 

“Of course.” 

I sang the words quietly and listened to his breaths that were steadily getting more and more ragged. 

I finished the lullaby and there were no more breaths. Argis’s chest was growing cold under my hand. I gasped and looked up at him, his eyes were closed. He seemed peaceful. I sat up and touched his face. He was gone. I held a hand to my mouth as the first sob left me. 

“No.” I whispered and collapsed onto him as I sobbed loudly. My entire frame shook as I cried, the screams left me with violent shudders. I said his name over and over again. Soft hands touched my back and I turned to find Aela behind me, tears on her normally stern face. I sobbed again as I threw my arms around her, she held me to her tightly as I cried. She smoothed my hair down like a mother and rubbed my back. 

As I sat there, covered in the blood of my husband and being held by my dear friend. I wondered just how many times my heart could shatter before there was nothing left of it. 

————

Two funerals in two months. Two Harbingers laid to rest amongst the flames of the Skyforge. Koda slept peacefully in my arms as I stared at the flames, despair was clinging to me like a second skin. If it weren’t for the weight of Koda’s small body in my arms I would have laid upon the stones in agony. He would never know his father, he would never know how much Argis loved him, he would ever grow to respect the calm strength he had. I closed my eyes as tears fell from between my lids. 

“Bretta…” it was Aela at my side. 

“I cannot bear this.” I croaked as I looked at her. 

“You will not face this alone.” She swore. 

“He was my very best friend.” 

“I know.” She said, I couldn’t tear my eyes from his body surrounded by flames. 

Would his soul now roam aimlessly on a hunting ground? The way Kodlak had written that was the fate of a werewolf. Would Argis not ever find peace with his kin in Sovngarde? 

Koda became fussy in my arms, I pushed his blanket back and stroked his chest softly, it soothed him as it had his father. He grabbed my finger tightly and looked up at me with the strange eyes of his father, one a dark blue, and the other a nearly white silver. I was taken aback by the wisdom he already carried in those eyes, one day he too would depart to Sovngarde, he would not meet his father there. That thought brought even more sadness into my fragile heart. 

“We will save your papa, little duck, I swear it.” I vowed to the tiny boy in my arms. I looked to Aela, who was watching me with careful eyes. 

“I will return to my home today.” I said in the most even voice I could muster. 

“Bretta… you’re grieving, stay with us, let us help you.” She pleaded, I touched the face of my dear friend and smiled. 

“Time is the only thing that will bring peace to my soul, Aela. You may come check in on me daily if it will please you.” I offered and turned to leave. 

Time would heal me indeed. 

And slaying every last Glenmoril Witch I could find. 

————

I entered Breezehome and Lydia rushed to help me with the knapsack I carried. She watched me with the same careful eyes Aela had and I sighed. 

“I’m fine.” I said sternly, I felt better now that I had made a plan; even if it was insane. 

She looked unconvinced as she took the knapsack from me, I handed her Koda and she rocked the babe softly. 

“I’m going to be leaving for a while, I will write to the Jarl to hire a wet nurse for Koda in my absence. I need you to protect him with your very life, Lydia, everything else is worthless in comparison, understand?” I stared at her evenly and she nodded slowly. 

“Of course, my thane, but should you leave? Are you okay? Master Argis is only laid to rest today, surely you should wait-“ I held up a hand. 

“I have to do this, if anyone comes asking for me tell them I had urgent business with my family in High Rock. I know not how long this will take, but I will send word periodically.” I climbed the stairs before she could ask me anymore questions. 

I shut my bedroom door tightly and took deep breaths to calm myself, in all honesty, the thought of leaving my baby when he was barely two months old terrified me. I trusted Lydia and her skill to protect him, and knowing of my absence Balgruuf would be sure to check in on him as well. It pained me to miss any part of his growing up, but he would thank me one day. I had to save his father’s soul. 

I rushed to my desk and jotted a quick note to the Jarl requesting a wet nurse stay in my home, she would be paid handsomely. I sealed the letter and then pulled my mourning dress over my head and walked to my trunk. I hadn’t worn the armor since before Argis and I married. He had sent it to be mended for me as a wedding gift, knowing his feelings on the guild, and he had done it for me anyway. He was always too good for me. 

I touched the leather softly as I opened my trunk, so many memories rushed back to me, I had become a woman in that armor. I was a scared little Breton girl when I departed my college to aide Hadvar, I didn’t know that stepping onto that carriage would change the course of my entire life. 

I pushed nostalgic thoughts away and pulled the armor out. I laced my leggings and buckled the armor and tucked the letter to the Jarl in my breast pocket, with a glance in the mirror I stopped. It was as if no time had passed since I was putting it on for the very first time. I nodded to the woman in the mirror and began packing a pack, counting arrows, shoving a couple of whetstones in the bottom. I could sharpen my blade after I made camp for the first night. I stopped and was thinking of everything I would need when I heard my door open. I sighed at the intrusion. 

“Lydia, honestly, you know everything you need to know-“ I turned around and blanched. 

Brynjolf stood in the doorway, I was so surprised to see him there that I stumbled back slightly. He stared at me the way he always did, with an intensity that I thought might set my whole being on fire. 

“Brynjolf.” I breathed. He let out a breath, and his body visibly relaxed. 

“I thought you were dead.” He murmured. I furrowed my brows, confused. 

“What are you doing here?” I demanded, regaining my composure. 

He suddenly looked sheepish, “Your…” he swallowed, “Husband… has kept correspondence with me. I asked it of him when I was in Solitude. Just to know that you were safe, that’s all I needed, he hasn’t written me in several months and I feared the worst. So I came here, and hear mumblings of a funeral… I thought-“ he stopped and looked at me. 

“You thought it was my funeral.” I finished for him and he nodded. 

“You’ve kept tabs on me?” I questioned. 

“Not so much tabs as just updates, he only ever sent me one sentence letters. ‘She’s safe’ or ‘rough day today.’ That was all.” I closed my eyes and nodded, Argis hadn’t told me, and it was probably good he hadn’t. It would have just opened the same door I had closed firmly shut the day of our wedding in Solitude. 

“Well I’m fine, you can leave.” I said as I turned back to my packing. 

“Are you going somewhere, little lamb, has something happened?” I could feel him move closer to me, I was still so aware of his presence, but I couldn’t let my mind be clouded. I had to help Argis. 

“Bryn, you have to go.” I said in a shaky voice. I turned around and looked him in the eye, his face softened and he opened his mouth to reply but a loud cry cut him off. 

I sighed and walked from my room to the loft that overlooked the first floor. Lydia was rocking Koda but she looked up at me for help. I felt Brynjolf beside me and Lydia narrowed her eyes and drew her sword, all the while still holding my screaming son. 

“Who are you? How did you-“ she looked over her shoulder at the front door, then back to us. 

“It’s fine, Lydia, he’s…” I trailed off and looked at Brynjolf, he was staring down at Lydia with a tense expression. “He’s an old acquaintance.”

She still glared at him as I walked down the stairs and took Koda from her. He quieted almost instantly upon being in my arms, “There now, little duck, what’s the bother?” I murmured to him. 

“But how’d he get in without me…” Lydia trailed off as she sheathed her sword. 

Maneuvering Koda to my other shoulder I pulled the letter from my pocket and handed it to her. 

“Take that to Balgruuf, tell him the nurse will need to be here by nightfall.” 

She nodded, scratching her head and mumbling to herself she left us. 

I looked up at Brynjolf. He was resting his hands on the railing and staring at me, he seemed conflicted. I hated that my heart still thumped a little unevenly when I looked at him. 

“Go home, Bryn.” I said evenly. 

“Where is the doting father? Shouldn’t he be with his family?” His voice was cold, and I flinched. I glared up at him. 

“He’s dead.” I said simply. I walked into the pantry and began packing a food pack as I rocked Koda. 

I didn’t realize I was shaking until Brynjolf touched my shoulder. I dropped the apple in my hand as a violent sob came from me. My shoulders were shaking uncontrollably, Koda was still whimpering. I held him tightly as Brynjolf turned me around and enveloped us both in his big arms. I buried my face into his shirt as sob after sob poured from me. The arm that wasn’t holding Koda dug into his back tightly, I held on for dear life as I cried. 

Finally after I settled, Brynjolf stroked my hair softly. 

“I’m so sorry, little lamb.” He murmured. 

“He was my best friend.” I said the same words as I had to Aela. 

“I feel so lost, Bryn.” I whispered. He pulled away and held my face in his hands. 

“Tell me what I can do.” His voice held conviction as he spoke and I stared at him. He was still Brynjolf, the same Brynjolf that owned my soul. No matter how I wished he didn’t. 

“Come with me.” I said suddenly. 

“Where?” I walked to Koda’s bassinet and kissed his head as I put him inside. I walked to my bookshelf and grabbed the secret book that was really just a box. I pulled the map from it and showed it to him. 

“Here, I have to slay these beasts. It is the only way to save Argis from an afterlife of torment. I have to break the curse these creatures laid upon him and the Companions before him.” I looked up at Brynjolf, hope blossoming in my chest. 

I waited for him to tell me I needed to stay home, to be a mother, to grieve my husband as everyone else had done. He just looked at me with those fierce green eyes and smiled as he stuffed the map in his breast pocket. 

“When do we leave, lass?” 

Tears formed in my eyes and I rushed forward to hug him tightly. I had missed him. Gods, how I had missed him. 

“Thank you, Brynjolf.” I whispered. 

“Always, Bretta.” He swore.

**Author's Note:**

> Be kind.


End file.
